It's past two o'clock when CJ woke up. Wala na si Carson sa tabi niya ng hapong iyon. He abruptly put his clothes on and find her around the house. Ganoon na lang ang luwag ng paghinga niya ng makita niya itong nakaupo sa couch at nagbabasa ng review materials nito.
"There's food on the table." Sabi nito ng maramdaman ang presensya niya pero hindi man lang siya tinapunan ng tingin.
"I was thinking, maybe we could eat outside." Bigla siyang naging alanganin ng tagpuin ni Carson ang mga mata niya. Her eyes are cold and it holds no emotion in it, it actually scares the shit out of him.
"I have plans with Van. Sorry."
"What?" He mumbled. He felt so confused and anxious. "But I thougth last night--"
"CJ." Now she had the riddiculous look on her face like she made a fool out of him. "Anyone could say anything in a brink of an orgasm. Don't flatter yourself too much." Flat at cold na sabi nito.
He felt a soft fang on his chest. Hindi niya akalaing posible pala talaga iyon and as much as he hate to admit, he's scared. He's scared that he might actualy lost her to a guy named Van Ledesma.
Akmang iinom ito ng kape mula sa tasa na nakapatong sa center table pero wala ng laman iyon. Tatayo na sana ito para kumuha ng panibago ng agawin niya ang tasa mula rito.
"Ako na." He said softly. "I was about to make my coffee as well, ako na ang kukuha ng sa iyo." She heaved a deep sigh and let him have her cup.
Kanina pang nakasalang ang kape sa coffee maker kaya mainit na iyon. Lutang na lutang siya habang hinahaluan ng creamer at asukal ang brew hanggang sa mapadako ang tingin niya sa first aid kit na nasa ibabaw ng cup board. Biglang may nabuong plano sa isip niya.
Carson Athena's
Carson felt dizzy when she woke up. Ang natatandaan niya lang ay inantok siya matapos uminom ng kape. There's something odd about that coffee.
Si CJ ang nakita niya ng imulat ang mga mata. Hindi lang iyon, he's driving and she's currently inside his car. Pasado alas sais na ng tingnan niya ang oras na nakapaskil sa may stereo. Kanta ng bandang Lany ang tumutugtog mula doon.
"Where are we?" She said in awe. Ganoon na lamang ang panlalaki ng mata niya ng maalala ang dinner nila ni Van. They were supposed to hang out on his place and have dinner there. Nagrequest itong ipagluto niya ng pasta and she couldn't say no to him.
"Tagaytay." He shrug his shoulders.
"I am not supposed to be here!" She shrieked. Panay ang lingon at likot niya, hindi pa rin makapaniwala. Paanong napunta siya sa kotseng iyon ng hindi man lang nagigising?
"And where are you supposed to be?" He said nonchalantly.
"Away from you!" She hissed. "Besides, it's not our day. You're supposed to be with your cum slut and not with me."
"Don't call her that!" Inis na saway nito sa kanya. Para siyang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa narinig. She was caught off guard. Hurt. "I'm sorry." CJ sounded so sincere. His eyes hold so much guilt. Kahit hindi niya gusto, nakaramdam na naman siya ng awa para sa sarili.
Hindi siya umimik. Namayani ang nakabibinging katahimikan sa pagitan nilang dalawa at tila walang gustong bumasag niyon.
Her thougts was interupted when her phone rang. Si Van ang nasa call register kaya sinagot niya agad iyon.
"Van." She felt CJ's heavy stare at the mention of his name. "Yeah. Something came up. Sorry, I can't make it tonight." Hinging paumanhin niya dito ng tanungin nito kung nasaan na siya. Nang aasar ang tawa nito, mukhang may idea na kung sino ang posibleng kasama niya.
"Marupok ka na naman ano?" Humagalpak ito ng tawa. "Stop it. Gagi!" Natawa na rin siya. Hearing his voice is like a promise of a brighter tomorrow. Masaya siya na alam niyang nandoon si Van kung sakali mang hindi okay ang lahat. Hindi naman kasi siya pwedeng umasa kay CJ dahil kahit kasal sila, alam niyang hindi ito constant thing sa buhay niya. "I'll see you when I get home." Tinapos niya na ang tawag. Diretsong diretso ang tingin ni CJ sa daan, madiin ang kamay sa manibela at nakatiim ang bagang. He looked so mad but she's too tired to care.
Nasa Tagaytay nga sila at mahamog na ng hapong iyon.
CJ parked his car inside a restaurant. Bag of Beans ang pangalan ayon sa sign board na nakapaskil sa labas.
"What do you want to eat?" CJ asked when he turned off the engine. Nagkibit lang siya ng balikat bago walang imik na bumaba ng sasakyan. Nagpatiuna siya papasok. First time niya roon at masasabi niyang maganda ang lugar. Sosyal ang ambiance pero homey ang interior. Amoy na amoy niya rin ang aroma na nanggagaling sa kape at mga pastries na tinitinda roon.
Lumapit sa kanila ang isa sa mga waiter bago sila iginiya sa pang dalawahang table. Nag order si CJ ng steak para sa kanilang dalawa pagkatapos ay hot chocolate para sa malamig na panahon. Inalok siya nito ng dessert pero iling lang ang isinagot niya.
"Are you not gonna talk to me?" Basag ni CJ sa katahimikan.
"Should I?"
"Carson, please." Nasa mukha ni CJ ang frustration. Parang hindi alam ang gagawin.
"Can't you see it? I'm letting you do whatever you want. Ayaw ko na ng gulo. Gusto ko lang ng katahimikan." She said exhaustedly. "I don't even know why am I here with you."
"Because I want to be with you." CJ's voice softens. The intensity his eyes held was penetrating within her, melting the ice she surrounded herself with, but Carson knew better. She wouldn't let herself get drowned in her crazy fantasies just because the emotion in his eyes overwhelmed her. He loved Jusmaine and it won't change overnight. "Gusto ko lang namang bumawi, sana hayaan mo ako."
Something inside her wants to bear with him but how can a heart so numb with pain handles it if she knows she'll just get betrayed again?
BINABASA MO ANG
Leave Your Lover
Romance"Set my midnight sorrow free. I will give you all of me, just leave your lover. Leave him for me." -Sam Smith Connor Young's Story.
