Gloom (Felix x Reader)

Chapter 17

He brought his other hand up to your face, and gently rubbed the back of it along your cheek in a light caress. You leaned in, and practically melted at the touch. A warm blush covered your tear-stained cheeks. The blonde boy smiled softly, his eyelids fluttered, and you could have sworn everything was frozen in place. The sound of the wind breaking through the bushes and trees was muffled, along with any buzzing of an insect, or the lovely chant of the birds. Felix leaned in, his lips parting slightly, as his gaze found yours once more. You met him halfway with eyes closed, slotting your lips together as if they were made for each other. You could feel that shared breath of relaxation, how each of your heart beats started to synchronise in this special moment. It was too obvious by now, that you had craved this for a long time now and that any failed attempt only pushed you further to this ultimate high. Your knees went weak at his touch, and when the second in command pulled away after a quick realisation of what he just did, you immediately longed for that taste again.

He kissed me, you thought. Felix kissed me!

'I shouldn't do this!' Felix whimpered frustrated, and yanked his head away, squinting his eyes at the thoughts he had, while fighting against the urge to kiss you again. Like always, he did not share his inner conflict with words. 

'Why are you doing this to me?' You asked in disbelief, unintentionally sounding as if he crashed your world. Felix shot his head back into your direction, staring at you with widened eyes like a deer in the headlight. Then he slowly nodded, silently agreeing that he would hurt you if he even thought about distancing himself again. 

'Don't leave me all by myself.' You added and watched his eyes melt.

'I won't.' That was no lie. He wiped away another single tear that had crept its way out of one of your eyes. His face told you a million stories, how affected he was by all the pain that was inflicted to you, and how deeply he cared for everything that ever happened. Now it was so clear in his deep blue ponds that he called his eyes, how all this time he was torn by the suffering of having to comply, and to live in fear of losing you. 

'Why is it that I am so drawn towards you.' He asked out loud what you had in mind for a long time, but did not dare to speak out loud.  'All that time you've been a stranger.' 

'I thought you were my friend.' You reminded him of his own words. Now you understood his them and that he had been right about how you could not know how hard it was to be him. To be constantly forced to commit gruesome crimes- the boy must hate himself in unspeakable ways.

'I desperately wanted to be.'

'Just a friend?' You gave him a teasing smile.

'You're someone that I can't lose.' There was nothing to laugh about for the second in command. His voice was so serious when he spoke, too powerful to be simply undermined by amusement.

'You had some trouble showing it at first.' You gave back with the same seriousness. Maybe he did try to show you his emotions, but simply could express it in a way that was convincing enough for you, yet leaving the other boy's unnoticed. It was impossible to love someone here and keep it a secret.

'I thought if I could make you fear me, that it would make it more bearable to stay away.' Felix explained himself. 'But then I just… couldn't anymore.'

His words gave you shivers running down your spine. The many moments in which he tried to kiss you, but backed away were no fantasies. The thought alone that all this time he secretly held romantic feelings towards you caused your blood to shoot immediately into your  cheeks, as your heart pounded heavily inside your chest.

'I don't fear you…not anymore.'

He scoffed and gave you a look that could be interpreted as being more hurt than insulted. 'I wish that to be the truth.'