Life, Not Roses

Brainless One

i pull the sheets over my head
covering the sun that beamed its way into the blinds
making lined patterns on the floor and walls
making me remember how vulnerable i looked
making me close the blinds so no one would see me
mother was in another room
i could here her shuffling in the kitchen from under the heated sheets
i could feel my stomach deepen as the heat increased
pounding into my head

"Alice, are you still sleep?" My mom peered through the doorway.
"Huh, no..." I muffled under the sheets.
"Well.. I guess get up and eat some breakfast," She pulled the sheets off of my head.
"You made breakfast?" I sprang off the bed.
"Yes," She giggled, "I decided to make breakfast for us today,"

i ran into the living room,
and dashed into the kitchen
scents of pancakes with extra vanilla ran through my nose
mom handed me a plate with pancakes, sausage, and fruits.
i couldn't feel my face anymore
none of this felt real
it was like the air was expanding into my chest
into my heart
i felt as though the world had stop
everything
the cars that drove past the highway
flying birds the hummed
the kids that took daily walks with their grandparents
the sounds in the world
the sun that stayed incredibly still
only the air that swept by to awaken me
was still there
maybe cherishing the moment
before it was locked in a cage in the back of my brain
trying to pry its way out
but im promising i won't let it
i promise that i won't let go
so i sit at the table
listening to the birds on wires
hearing the silverware drop
everything felt so old,
but new all at once

"So.."My mom squeaked, "Is it okay..?"
"This is the best food I've had in so long," I felt my eyes twinkling.
"Wow!" She scoffed, "I know life has been a bit tough on us so.."
"I know.." I muttered, "but why didn't you say anything to me..?"
"I just..", She stammered, "I thought you had enough on your plate, that's all"
"Well, obviously you did too and.. it would've just helped if we were there for each other" I muffled.

the fork grazed the plate
i just looked up at her
seeing her face in a distraught like form
had i said too much?
had i pushed her away again?
i stared back down at my platter
stuffing my mouth with pancakes
maybe to shut me up
or swallow my feelings down
in hopes of gulping down the tears that started to form
then i felt her lips on my forehead
something that i didn't feel for such a long time
something that i didn't remember her touch
until last night

"I'll put the plates away," She smiled.
"Okay.."

i walked over to my room and heard my phone ring

"Huh, Amitola what's up?" I stammered.
"I'm sorry, I was being such a damn bitch," She muffled.
"It's okay..?" I muttered.
"Shit.. The important thing I was telling everyone it that.." I heard sniffles.
"What happened Amitola", I said sternly.
"I'm Pansexual!" She hang up.