Kunikidazai Oneshots

You're the Best

(A/N: alright people. Prepare yourselves, for it's angst time once again. This is a request by EmotionalFrige . Now without further ado, enjoy!)

It was one of those days again. One of those days where everything just felt so much worse than it usually was. The idealist known as Kunikida was having yet another one of those times where he just felt lost inside his own mind. Every now and then, he'd just spiral and think about how much of a failure he was. Sometimes he didn't follow his schedule exactly the right way, other times it would be because he couldn't live up to his own standards, and worst of all...he couldn't save everyone. That was the biggest contributor to his less than good thoughts. He just wanted to save everyone, for they all had every right to live. When he couldn't save everyone, he just began to feel like the world's biggest failure. If he couldn't save everyone, what good was he? Kunikida always felt guilty when he couldn't save someone, but it was always worse when it was a kid.

It may have happened awhile ago now, but the incident where the little girl blew herself up with grenades was still fresh in Kunikida's mind and it still haunted him a lot. He'd seen how scared that little girl was, and he'd tried to help her. He really had. But before he could, she'd blown herself up. And it was all his fault. If only he'd done something more. Or gotten there quicker. Something. He didn't even know that little girl, but he'd found himself willing to die for her. Truth be told, that was often the way it went. If it meant that he could save someone, Kunikida would be willing to lay down his life, no questions asked.

On a similar note, Kunikida had thought back to his student he'd had that ended up dying. It was the reason he'd quit teaching, and it was to this day the worst death he'd ever dealt with. He'd cared about his student a lot. One day they were alive and well and ready to take on the world and the next, they had perished, never to return again. Logically, Kunikida knew that there wasn't anything he could've done to prevent his student's death. But when he was spiralling like this, he didn't think about logic. It had been about two years now, and Kunikida still thought about his student every day. He'd never stop missing or caring about them, even if he knew it wouldn't bring them back. He doubted he'd ever stop feeling guilty over the death. He'd probably always feel like a horrible person for not being able to save his student.

On yet another note, Kunikida was thinking about his partner of two years now, Dazai. The bandaged man was very frustrating due to the fact that he always threw a wrench in Kunikida's schedule and gave him false info to write down. But as annoyed as Dazai made Kunikida sometimes, the idealist would be lying if he said he hated the maniac. He really didn't. In fact, even more than he got annoyed by Dazai, he worried about him. It was no secret that Dazai always tried to commit suicide and no matter how many times it happened, it never failed to strike fear into Kunikida's heart. Despite how commonplace it was at this point, it still gave Kunikida the same large amount of worry as it had the very first time Kunikida found Dazai after a suicide attempt. Sometimes he'd lecture Dazai over it and other times, he'd be too worried or sad to do so. He knew how much he would miss Dazai if he ever succeeded in dying. Of course Kunikida knew Dazai would die someday, but he hoped that day wouldn't come anytime soon. Kunikida knew one thing for sure, though. If one day Dazai were to succeed in offing himself, Kunikida would feel like an even worse failure for not being able to prevent it. If he cared this much about random strangers, he knew he'd feel a hundred times worse if it was someone close to him. He already knew since his student had died, but he didn't want to lose anyone else he cared about.

Kunikida took a deep breath, desperately trying to crawl out of his state of depressive thoughts. He couldn't get anything done if he remained trapped in his mind. He glanced at his watch and realized that if he didn't hurry, he'd be late for work. Then he'd have to add that to his very long list of why he was such a failure. He rushed to work and then noticed that he wasn't the first one there for once. That was unusual. He brushed it off and went straight to his desk. This was good. If he could just focus on his work, then maybe he could distract himself from all the thoughts that had been plaguing him since he first woke up. He promptly began his paperwork.