Dear God, why did you do this to me?!

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

   "So, how'd he do it?" Maxie asked me as I sat down at the table. "Did he get down on one knee?" I shook my head. "Did he take you out?" I shook my head again. "Well, what'd he do that made you say yes? It must have been special."

"It was." I confirmed. Adam put his hand on my thigh and looked at me concerned. I just shook my head and said "It was three days after my dad had died, and I was having really bad nightmares and just felt so alone, even though I knew that Adam was there for me all of the time. We were laying in bed, and he told me that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He then asked me to marry him - being the jerk he is and using my full name, even though he knows I hate it." I was now glaring at Adam as he just grinned mischievously. "I was a bit shocked so I just, sort of, walked out crying and sat in my father's study."

"Why were you upset?" Freya asked before anyone could stop her. Rick put his head in his hands and sighed. Adam pulled me closer to him while the others stared at Freya.

"No, it's fine." I said. I then looked to Freya and said "Well, I'd always imagined that my father was going to walk me down the aisle but, well..." I took a deep breath before saying "now there's nobody. I'm the only one left." I felt my eyes start to glass over. I blinked the tears away. "Adam then came in to the study, and was apologising, and then he asked what it was. I told him, and he said that, if he could, he would get rid of those thirty minutes. I told him not to, and he was confused until I explained what I meant to him. Then... well, here we are, happy as Larry, whoever that is." I finished as my eyes started to water.

Maxie smiled weakly and said "I'm sorry."

"No harm done. I'm just going to go to the bathroom, I'll be down in a minute." I said as I stood up and walked away from the concerned pairs of eyes that stared after me, boring into my back. I went in to the toilet and cried, leaning against the bath.

   I heard a light knock on the door. "Mmm?" I muttered.

"It's Isaac. Can I come in?" I heard Isaac's muffled question.

"If you want." I said, my response barely audible. He then walked in and sat beside me after closing the door.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and said "I'm sorry about your dad." I leant my head on his shoulder and nodded. "You just need to cry it out, don't you?"

"Yeah. Can I cry it out on you though, I think Adam feels slightly guilty after having me cry on him constantly?"

"Why would he feel guilty?"

"Ummm, nothing, forget I said it."

"No. Come on, spill." I shook my head. "Do I have to tickle you?" I stared at him in an 'are you really going to do that?' sort of way. He stared back at me, his eyes not moving from my face. I continued to stare until he started to tickle me on the hips.

"No. No. No! Stop, stop!" I screamed as I kicked my legs around and tried to get Isaac to stop tickling me. He didn't. "Okay, okay, I give!" I said as tears of laughter rolled down my eyes.

"So, why should he feel guilty?" Isaac asked again.

"One morning, my father came in and found Adam and I in bed together," I saw Isaac open his mouth to say something. I put my finger on his lips and said "Nothing like that happened, we were still dressed. Anyways, he saw us and was... shocked."

"Why?"

"'Cause he had always trusted me and never expected me to sleep with one of the help - well, anyone for that matter. So, he saw us and, sort of, boomed. Now, before you get offended, my father had always been brought up in an environment where there was Us and Them, the people that were on our level and the people below us, money wise that is. So, he asked Adam to leave and then started going on about Adam being older than me. I didn't answer. He then said that he intended to protect me from 'people like that'. That really annoyed me so I just, sort of, threw everything at him, anything I could to make him feel guilty. I said about how I was having a life for myself, because I'd practically looked after him from when my mother had died, when I was nine, and I'd stayed strong and not cried in front of him, just got on with life while he mourned for ages. I also said something about how he wasn't a good Christian, which he was anything but, and I basically told him about how I'd pretty much given up my life for him, ever going to uni, having a boyfriend and things like that. I then told him that Adam and I were going to the creek.

   "After that, we went out to a friend's house and stayed the night. The next day we got back and I found him... I found him in the barn and... and he'd... he'd, umm, hanged himself." I didn't even notice the tears that were falling down my cheeks until Isaac brushed them away with his pinkie. I smiled weakly at him and continued, saying "When I went into my bedroom, I found a letter from my father and it basically said that he killed himself for me, for my future, and that he wanted Adam to be a part of it. He never would have done it if I hadn't had the argument with him. Adam feels guilty because I argued for him. He doesn't tell me this, but... well, I know, because I've seen him cry when I'm crying, and he always says he's sorry." I was now crying a lot faster.

Isaac just pulled me against him and said "I'm really sorry, but you need to let Adam know that it's not his fault - he holds things like this for ages."

"Will you help me?" I whispered.

"Of Course, just ask and I'm there." Isaac then dropped a light kiss on my forehead. "You gonna' come down, dad put yours in the oven?" Isaac asked as he stood up.

I shook my head and said "I'm not really hungry." I then stood up and got a piece of tissue, wiping at the streaks of mascara underneath my eyes.

"Sure?"

"Yeah, and thanks, Isaac, it's nice being able to talk to someone that isn't Adam."

Isaac grinned and said "I told you I'd soon be your favourite."

"Second favourite, I think." I then hugged Isaac before going into mine and Adam's room. I undressed and climbed into a pair of Adam's PJ trousers and one of his t-shirts before I got under the duvet and dropped off like a light bulb.