Skinny Love - Newtmas

Chapter Twenty

This chapter contains a spolier for tdc, even though I did change the details of the event I just wanted to warn anyone who hasn't read the book yet.

Newt pov

"I'm sorry Newt. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to,"

I shake my head. "No, it's about time I tell you. I want you to know."

After Thomas stopped his lurching sobs Minho mumbled that he had to go and snuck out. As he was leaving I gave him a small nod, I don't really want to tell this story to anybody but Thomas.

Thomas puts his hand on my upper arm and squeezes lightly before sliding it down until he reaches my palm. Squeezing again he takes his other hand and wraps it around our fingers. "I want to know," Thomas's voice is rough from crying. I feel bad about bringing up my own story of heartbreak, but I wanted to say anything to make sure he didn't feel alone.

I would've done anything to make him stop crying, Thomas should never have to be sad; I never want him to feel anything but utter happiness. I wish I could take all of his heartbreak upon myself just so he never has to feel sadness again. And I would do it gladly; just to see him smile.

I nod and bring our hands to my lips, kissing him gently before setting them back on my knee and breathing deeply.

"So um do you remember me telling you that I came out when I was eighteen?" Thomas nods, staying silent and stroking the top of my hand with his thumb. "Well I had known pretty much since I was about fifteen. But I uh...I was too afraid to tell anyone in my family. Afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore, would treat me differently. And the fact that I was already a really insecure kid didn't really help my case. But um anyways, I'm really close to my sister so when I was sixteen I finally had to tell somebody or I was going to explode.

"So I forced my sister to go on a drive with me and I wouldn't look her in the eye the whole time. She knew something was up, kept asking what was wrong and finally I just had to tell her. So I spit it out and she didn't say anything for a minute or so and I knew I'd made a mistake by telling her. But uh - then she uh...she smiled and pulled over and hugged me and I cried and she cried. She told me she still loved me. I was so happy.

"After that she told me that I needed to tell my parents to which I refused. I could never tell them. My sister said it was up to me but that I should tell them. Every time we were alone she would try to talk me into telling them, so then I tried my hardest not to be alone with her anymore. Eventually she apologized for pushing me about and and dropped it.

"But about five months later she and I were sitting on the couch and my parents were in the kitchen and she whispered to me, "Are you sure you won't tell them?" And after thinking for a minute I called them in to the living room. And um...I would only tell them if my sister stayed in the room because she had been the only other person who had known. And she knew a full year. For a year I had never told another soul and it was starting to drive me a little crazy to be honest. So they sat down and I just - I told them.

"They didn't say anything. Not one word. It was quiet for about three minutes and finally I just asked them, "do you still love me?" And uh, then my mom and dad started crying and hugged me and said of course they did. So I guess that went okay. But next was telling the rest of my family. I told my mom that I would never ever tell my grandmother. Ever. She was extremely religious, and very against gay people. So I told my parents that it they told her I would never forgive them.

"So they didn't tell her. At that point I was seventeen, but again I had only come out to my parents and sister. It was getting hard to only have them know, I wasn't acting like myself anymore out of fear that somebody would somehow be able to tell. That continued on for a few months, but finally my mom said that I had to tell my grandmother. That she would understand because I was her grandson and she loved me. This was a week before christmas, for some insane reason she made sense. But...not wanting anything less than to tell her face to face on Christmas, I called her that night.