Skinny Love - Newtmas

Chapter Twenty Five

Thomas is awake first, he wakes me up after about a half an hour. With Minho gone we just lay in bed, our bodies tangled together. I'm somewhat happy we haven't talked about our discussion earlier, about my hesitation with certain intimacy.

Thomas plays with my hair and I roll my eyes at him but secretly I enjoy it. "Tommy," I ask quietly, staring past Thomas at the wall.

"What?" He asks, letting to of my hair and taking hold of my hand, fiddling with my fingers like he often does.

"I'm just..." I try and think of the right words to say.

"Just what?" Thomas brings my fingers to his mouth and kisses them once before gazing at me.

My eyes flit away from his while I fumble for words. "Newt is everything okay?" Thomas's voice sounds worried.

"Yeah I'm fine, sorry, I just...I'm really nervous about going to your family's house." Sighing I shift my gaze back to Thomas.

"Aww Newt," he says softly, smiling at me. "I get why you're nervous, but you don't have to be. Everyone's going to love you." Reaching up Thomas puts his hand on my cheek and leans forward to kiss me softly.

When he pulls back I sigh again, "I'm still nervous though." My palms start to sweat and I have to pull my hand out from Thomas's and wipe them off on my pant leg. "Since the...thing that happened last christmas I'm just feeling kinda shy ya know? My family pretty much ruined the holiday for me." I laugh at the last part but it's hollow, broken, a mask to cover my sadness that begins to bubble up.

"Come 'ere," Thomas says, opening his arms. A brief moment of hesitation passes over me but I scoot close to Thomas, resting my head against his chest.

Thomas closes his arms around me and holds me tight, I move around to wriggle my arm free and wrap it around his middle.

"I'm sorry that they did that to you Newt." Is all Thomas says for a couple minutes; and then, "It makes me so angry whenever I think about it. I hate that they ruined such a nice day for you forever. I'm also sorry that they're going back to London without you, it makes my heart ache. But maybe this year will be better...I'm going to make it better for you."

Thomas words make my heart stop momentarily and I feel the prickle of a tear in my eye but quickly blink it away. "Tommy," I whisper to keep my voice from cracking. I don't dare look up at him either, the sight of him right now might push me over the edge and send me into full hysterics.

"Newt if you would've..." He doesn't finish his sentence but he doesn't need too.

"I know Tommy. I promise I'll never try anything like that again." I bury my face into his shirt further and he holds onto me tighter.

"I'm sorry Newt. You didn't deserve any of this." Thomas's voice cracks just a little when he speaks but I pretend not to notice.

"Remember what I said Tommy, you have to be happy enough for the both of us sometimes."

I can hear Thomas's heart beating quickly. "I love you Newt. I love you," he says quietly, his voice still sounding pained.

"I love you too," I say quietly, my voice barely audible through his shirt.

"Everything is going to be okay Newt."

"I hope so..." I trail off.

"I promise I'm going to make this christmas better okay, I love you and I just want you happy."

"I'm happy as long as I'm with you." My words hang in the air for a few long minutes before Thomas speaks again. "I'm so happy you're a part of my life Newt. I never knew you could love somebody this much...until I met you."