What's Next? || Ant x Stephen

An Awkward Incounter - Chapter One

Today was the day, today they started filming the auditions for BGT, the day both Ant and Stephen weren't ready for. 

The breakup was almost a month ago now, and neither of them had seen the other, Stephen saw Dec once, the day he went to give Ant his stuff back. Ant didn't come to give Stephen his stuff back, he put the box in front of Stephens front door, knocked, and walked off. He wanted to give it to him properly, but he couldn't. He couldn't face him, he still felt guilty for hurting the younger man. 

Both men woke up that morning feeling nervous about starting the day, but they also woke up alone, again, like they have every day for the last month, and neither of them were used to it yet. They both hated waking up in the morning, and not being able to see the other one the moment they wake up.  

This morning was no different.

Ant woke up at around 7:00Ish, he didn't get out of bed straight away though, he hasn't really had much motivation to do anything for a while now. He started doing the same thing as Stephen, sitting around all day, feeling sorry for himself and barely eating. Stephen was definitely feeling this breakup worse...but that doesn't exclude how shitty Ant was feeling about it as well. 

Ant got to the Auditions early, to try and avoid seeing Stephen until he had too. It had literally been a month since either man had seen the other and to be completely honest, they didn't end on the best of terms and unluckily, they both had the exact same idea, not thinking that the other would. So as Ant was walking down to his and Dec's dressing room, he saw the silhouette of someone walking towards him, he was getting ready to nod and smile to the person, his way of saying hi this early in the morning, but as the person got closer and closer, he started to notice who it was...Stephen.

As they got to each other they both stopped walking and just sort of stared at each other until one of them started talking "Uh...it's been a while uh?" Ant said trying to laugh "Ant..." Stephen said in a small whisper, Ant didn't say anything in return he just looked at the man with a guilty expression. "I can't do this yet..." He said, as the fake smile on Ant's face faded away, he was trying to think of something to say but he couldn't, his brain couldn't think of a response "It's just- this last month has been...hard, to say the least and I don't think I can go back to how we were......yet" Stephen explained further, Ant nodded his head as he looked to the floor "Yeah, I get that...This past month hasn't been easy for me either" Ant replied, Stephen gave him a sympathetic smile as he said "Give it time..." Ant nodded "I mean, we might not go back to how we were...but give it time and we'll get to the spot where we can be friends, at least, I hope so" Stephen finished, as he smiled and started to walk away Ant shouted down to him "I do miss you, you know that?" Stephen stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around "I miss you too but...Maybe- Maybe we did the right thing, maybe we just...aren't meant to be I guess" Stephen said trying to hide the tears forming in his eyes, he didn't believe a word he said after 'I miss you too' and neither did Ant, but as of right now he didn't want to cause a scene or anything like that. So instead, he nodded and said "Yeah...maybe your right" which not only broke his heart but, it broke Stephen's heart too, the younger man really didn't want him to agree and when he did, he could feel his heart shatter into a million pieces. 

Ant was the first to walk off, as Stephen watched him go, it just took him back to the day. He had that image of Ant driving away and Stephen just letting him go, not fighting for their relationship, not fighting for them! Stephen has hated himself every day since then, every day he has beaten himself up for not going after the, possible, love of his life. He just let him drive off and he's regretted that every day, every moment since then, but he also never did anything about it, he never called or texted the older man, he just sat in his house wallowing in self-pity, but one thing Stephen did think was 'If Ant didn't want to break up either, then he would've called or texted or anything...but he didn't so maybe Ant does want to break up' 

But Ant was just as scared to do anything either, nervous for the response he would get out of the younger man, he thought the exact same thing 'if Stephen wanted to be with me, he would've called, he would've fought for them' and Ant's hated himself just as much for hurting the younger man like he did, for just breaking up with him and driving off, for not texting or calling, for not fighting either. 

The last month has been complete and utter hell for the both of them.

The last month or so of their relationship was a bit...awkward, Mason had made Ant feel insecure and Ant didn't talk about that to Stephen, but Stephen didn't exactly acknowledge what was happening, that night outside the pub made Stephen re-think a few things, like, did Ant really trust him? Why doesn't Ant believe Stephen loves him? He had so many questions, and let's be honest neither of them handled it very well.  

The same thing happened today as well, as soon as Ant got into his dressing room, he shut the door, slid down it and just cried. Dec walked into the room, from the bathroom, and saw him crying. He rushed over and asked what was wrong, but Ant was too busy hyperventilating to actually say anything. After 5 minutes he managed to get his breathing under control, and he started to explain to Dec what just happened trying to hold back any more tears. 

"He said maybe we did the right thing...Dec, did we do the right thing? Breaking up?" He asked Dec, as he sighed and looked to the floor "You know I don't know exactly why you two did break up, you never fully explained, but what I do know is how happy you were together, and it was great!" Dec explained as Ant wiped the tears from his cheek "I'd never seen either of you as happy as you two were together, never! You were almost 'the perfect couple' Ant" Dec finished, just as someone knocked the door for them to go to make-up as they were starting soon. Ant stood up and went to wash his face "I'm going to go ahead, I'll meet you at make-up" Dec shouted over to Ant, as Dec left, he saw Stephen halfway down the hall also heading to make-up.

"Stevie boy" He shouted trying to act normal around the younger man, even if he and Ant weren't at that stage of their breakup, didn't mean that he and Dec couldn't be friends, right? Stephen turned around at the mention of his name, and as Dec got closer, he smiled "You alright" the shorter Geordie man asked as Stephen nodded "You don't have to do this you know?" Stephen said, when his reply was a puzzled look from Dec he continued to explain "pretend everything's okay, pretend we're friends right now" he finished, which left Dec even more confused as they both walked to make-up "What do you mean? Why wouldn't we be friends?" He asked as Stephen sighed "Because of me and Ant, how things are between me and him right now...they aren't exactly great, are they?" He said half asking, Dec shook his head at the younger man and huffed out a laugh "What? And that means we can't be friends anymore? Don't be stupid Stevie okay, we are still friends and you and Ant will fine, in no time" he said trying to reassure the younger man, even if he knew he wouldn't be able to "I don't know about that...but maybe eventually I guess" Stephen said with a small smile as he and Dec finally got to make-up. He smiled at Dec and pointed to Ant who was just coming up behind the two of them "I think Ant's looking for you" he said as he huffed out a laugh. "See you later Stevie" Dec said.

Which reminded the younger man, that he had to pretend he and Ant were still friends right now, that nothing had happened between them, Ant would tease him, and they'd have a laugh and then it would go awkward. He really wasn't looking forward to that part of the day, but it was also inevitable, he knew that because of their on-screen friendship, Ant and Dec always tease him, but he knew he couldn't handle that right now, he knew the way Ant teased him, he would make jokes and make fun of him, which he could handle the part he couldn't handle was the tickling and the playful pushing around. He couldn't handle the physical side to it, because it would just remind him of all the times, they were together and able to cuddle and kiss and Stephen couldn't handle all those memories right now...