Not a Dream | DNF

21.

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Somg recommendation: Achilles Come Down-Gang of Youths

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The next morning I woke up in Clay's arms. He was still fast asleep.I successfully escaped from under.  My stomach was not at its best considering I drank and hadn't eaten in a minute.

I got a pen and wrote a note to Clay that I had some affairs to attend. In reality I didn't have anything planed. I was just to dizzy from the hangover and the non-existant food in my stomach. I couldn't eat now I finally lost some weight. I am fat enough.

When I got home my mom was in the living room. She didn't even care why her son wasn't home the previous night. Just minutes after my encounter with my mother i was on the bathroom floor with my razor. What made me do that is so simple. It was what my mom said it hurt like nothing else.

"Look at you, you finally lost some weight. I like you more now."

My own mother liked me only because I had lost weight. I ran upstairs straight to the bathroom and started cutting and crying. After about 20 mins I left the bathroom and went to my room. I changed and got to bed.I slept through the whole day.When I woke up I didn't move.

It was like that for the next 3 days.A painful cycle of crying,sleeping and cutting. I didn't eat anything the whole time. On the 3rd day, Monday, in the afternoon someone knocked on my door. I didn't answer just kept still with my back to the door. Whoever it was opened the door and closed it. The person walked around the bed and kneeled down next to the it . I opened my eyes and saw Clay in front of me looking sad.

"Hi Georgie, how are you?"

I didn't answer just let another tear fall down. He quickly brought his hand to gently wipe it. He bend over and kissed gently my cheek.

"Come on George you know you can tell me everything."

"But if I do you will think I am pathetic or just be mad at me."

"No, I will not. Nothing can make me angry at you and nothing can make me think of you less."

"How am I supposed to believe you. People have said that as well and guess what happened it was a lie."

"George I am officially your boyfriend, I care for you and I love you! Please tell me what is the problem."

"The problem is that I need to lose weight. I am just too fat to be loved, even my own parents think so."

Clay just looked me in the eyes and his look softened.

"What made you think that?"

"My mom said she is happy I lost weight and that she likes me more now, so I just need to loose more weight so she can love me."

"George... You are perfect, and you are blind to not see how skinny you are. How much did you lose and for how long. Tell me please."

"Saturday after I checked i was 47 kg so that means I lost 8 kg."

"George that is not normal. You need to gain weight that is unhealthy. What do you eat?"

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to shout at me or get mad."

Clay agreed.

"I haven't really had anything to eat."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"...a few days ago I think 5 or so"

Clay didn't say anything he just stood up and went to his backpack that was laying next to the door. He grabbed something and returned this time he sat on the bed in front of me. I pulled myself up so now I was sitting.
I watched as he opened a box and puled out a sandwich. I looked at him with horror.

"No Clay I need to loose weight, I am fine honestly. I am not even hungry."

"George what am I to you?"

"What does that have to do with this?"

"Just answer."

"You are my boyfriend and best friend that is my only reason...my only reason why I am still here. You are my everything."

Clay had tears in his eyes. I could see the sorrow in his eyes. I had made him sad.

"I am sorry I overshared now you are sad and I am responsible. I am sorry Dream, I will never do it again. I will understand if you want to leave or brake up with me. I mean who would want to be with someone like me. Someone who has to always wear oversized hoodies and who is alway-"

I was cut off with a kiss. Clay had leaned forward and pull me not only for a kiss but also I was now sat at his lap and he had wrapped his hands protectively around me, not letting me move.

When he finally ended the kiss he kept our foreheads connected and looked at my eyes.

"George I love you and you have no idea how important you are to me. You are my world. And you are not broken you just need help. Don't listen to your mother and also to yourself as well. You matter and now you are gonna do something for me. I don't want to lose you so I will feed you some of this. Ok? "

"ok.."

He pulled a bit back and broke off a piece of the sandwich and put it in my mouth. My mind was screaming at me. But seeing Dream this sad is worse so I just obliged and ate more than a half of the sandwich. I could fill that my stomach was full and it was sticking out. I looked at it and sucked it in.

However, Dream noticed and he lifted me up and leid me on the bed. He pulled the hoodie up a bit to reveal my stomch and started doing something that surprised me. He kissed than said what he likes about me. He kept doing that until it started to tingle and I started laughing.

When Dream heard me laugh he got up and kissed me.

"I love you no matter what, always remember that!"