Not a Dream | DNF

18.

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song recommendation: Arma De Bolhas- S R Z

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I finally pull away and take a breath. We just look in each-others eyes. This was one of my favorite moments in life.

"I like you too. I am sorry I shouldn't have kissed you without your permission."

He just shook his head and laughed, then bend down and pressed his lips onto mine again. We enjoyed it for a few seconds.When we separated again we stayed with our foreheads touching.

He is the best thing that has happened to me.

"Does this mean you will accept to go on a date with me?"  He had a big smile on his face and I could see there were dimples on his cheeks. As he basically asked me out his smile got bigger.

"Of course, good sir."

"Oh, so you are in that sort of thing?"

"Omg, Clay no!"

I shoved him lightly as we heard the bell inside ring.

After school he was waiting for me outside the building. Once I saw him staring at me I smiled. I was falling for this doofus. 

"Hurry up Georgie. I am trying to get you out for lunch."

"A) Stop calling me Georgie and B) I don't really feel like eating lunch."

"Well too bad cause I already made a reservation under the name... Let's see... Oh yeah a table is reserved for Georgie."

"Ughhhh, you are so annoying. You know that,right?"

"Oh I know and you love it."

We arrived at the small restaurant and there was our table under the name of Georgie. We sat down while a waiter came to us and gave us menu's. I didn't feel like eating so when the waiter came again to get our order I ordered only water and said that i haven't chosen yet.

Once he was gone Clay turned to me with a frown painted on his face.

"George..."
"I know, I know . It won't shut up. The voice in the back of my head, it yells at me. I shouldn't eat because I will get fat and when i do nobody will like me. God why did you even become my friend I am such an annoying person and such a burden."

I put my face in my hands and was about to cry when i heard a little laugh coming from him. I felt a hand pull my hand away from my face and I saw Clay smiling softly at me.

"George, Georgie, my sweet little Georgie. How can you be so smart and yet so stupid? There is not a single thing in you that is a burden to me. I love all of you, you are beautiful, smart and funny. George I am amazed by you and how strong you are."

This made me smile. He was so sweet. He know exactly what to say and when to say. When Clay's food was served he asked the server to bring a second plate. Once he did so he gave me a slice of his pizza and some from his salad.

He held my hand even while we ate and each time he saw me debating he squeezed my hand lightly.

When we left we went to my house. He drove while i watched through the window while I felt his hand on my thigh. I constantly looked at it.

We laid on my bed and he was cuddling me. After the restaurant I couldn't stop thinking about only one thing. I needed to learn my lesson. That is why I kept looking at my thighs and arms. I needed relieve NOW.

I stood up.
"I am going to the bathroom." My voice broke but I didn't have the nerve to look back at him.

I closed the door and opened the cabin where I found my razor blades I got one and held it for a while.

I can't stop myself, when i managed to do so the urge came back. I cried a lot that night i had been clean for 6 months and it all went to hell.

Now I decided I didn't have enough time to think it over so i just started cutting. Leaving red lines on my forearms. When I was done I calmly wraped a towel around my arm and cleaned them. I put bandages allover it and pulled the hoodie sleeve down. I threw the towel in the washing bin and left the bathroom.

I saw clay laying on my bed and when he saw me he looked concerned.

"George, what is wrong?"

I immediately remembered that I cried so my eyes were a bit red.

"Oh, nothing I just hit my foot on the edge of the drawer in the bathroom and it hurt like hell."

Clay looked a bit suspicious but let it go and George just laid back on Dream's chest. They stood like that for hours until both there phones dinged with a message from Sapnap about a party the next day.