Not a Dream | DNF

25.

Enjoy!

———————————————————————————

Song recommendation:  No expectations- AG, Brian Fennell

———————————————————————————

It's been around fifteen minutes from when clay left and I had already smoked four cigarettes, when I hear a knock on the door. I go to the door and open it just to find out a smily looking Sapnap on the front step.

"I come bearing gifts!"

He lifts his hand up only to reveal a grocery bag with 2 different juices, some lemons and raspberries, vodka and gin, and a fruit liquor of some kind.

"It's Happy Hour, bitch!"

I check the time on the clock wall and it says it's 12:47pm. I guess he is right, I need this. I let him in and get the bag from him carrying it to the kitchen counter.

We started on making cocktails. You know what I am not gonna think about it too much.
I made myself a really cool blue cocktail. In it there was some vodka, some sparkling water, blueberries and some syrup.And the glass was rimmed with sugar. I never drank stuff like that, I guess it was my time to test the waters.

Sapnap made himself an orange cocktail. It had gin, sparkling water, juice from peach and a few slices of orange. To be fair I would one hundred percent have a sip from that. How could I not, it reminded me of a sunset.

After making our drinks we went onto the couch where we turned up some music and started talking.

"How have you been?" asked Sapnap

"We with Dream by my side a lot less stressful, I guess. I feel really save when I am around him like nothing could hurt me. Finny thing I almost told him about that night at the party. He only knows that you walked in on a couple."

"Don't you think you should tell him the truth."

"Sapnap, I love him and I don't want to put anything more on him. He already worries enough for me, I don't want him to know about that and honestly I am fine."

I was not fine, I never was. I wasn't able to get the memory out of my head. When I would lay cuddling  with Clay I still have flashbacks. When I sleep I still get nightmares.

"If you think that, then don't tell him. But in my opinion you should tell him."

We hung out for around 3 hours and I decided to check up on Clay.

Me
Heyy, how are you?
If you want you can come over, me and Sapnap  are having cocktails.

Dre-
i need to talk to you alone
so maybe later

I frown at the message. Did I mess something. It aways starts like this. I hate it. A million things go through my head. What could I have done.

I was on my 3rd glass when Sapnap decided to uber home.

I textet Clay telling him Sapnap had just left. He responded that he will be there in 5.

When I heard the doorbell I was sitting on the couch playing with the 4th glass of alcohol in my hands. I was nervous, don't get me wrong I was nowhere near drunk drunk. I was just tipsy or like relaxed nothing too serious.

I stood up and opened the door, where I saw my boyfriend standing there looking sad and when I noticed his puffy eyes I wanted to cry myself.

"Hey, hey, hey... Clay. Are you ok? Come in. "

I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the couch. He sat and just looked at me.

"George why did you lie to me? I met up with Sam today. You know the party we were talking about earlier. He said you were with a guy and you guys went into a room. And that later that night he pointed it out to Sapnap, so Sapnap walked in on YOU not on a random couple."

He took a big gulp of air, meanwhile I couldn't look at him in the eyes.

"Why did you lie? I have been thinking about it the whole day. And the thought that maybe you were actually in love with that guy and that I don't belong with you passed through my mind a lot. I just have to know why. I swear I won't be mad even if you want to break up."

No Clay!! I am not in love with that piece of shit! I love you!

Tears started going down my cheeks just remembering that night and that Clay could think like this.

"Clay I've known you for enough time now that I am sure you won't be mad at me if I told you. But I don't want to put anything else on you. I just want you to always remember that I love you. I love you more than anything in this shity world. I would sacrifice everything just to see you smiling. So if I tell you this I want you to promise me to leave me deal with it by myself."

"I can't promise you that. You are my boyfriend and I want to be here for you in every moment and I don't care how long it takes for you to deal with the shit you are going through. I will be right next to you for every minute. We will take this minute by minute but I am never gonna let you deal with anything alone. Because George I love you too damn much!"

I put my hands on his cheeks and pull him in a kiss.
I've never known I could love someone so damn much. I pull away and look at him in the eyes.

"That night at the party I knew I liked you and I saw you with this girl. I couldn't take it so I just coped with it by getting really drunk. I was on the dance floor and started dancing really close behind me."

I could see his jaw clench and a vain on his forehead pop up.

"Then the guy grabbed me by my hand and let me too a room. He pinned me on the bed and started forcing himself on me. I couldn't fight him iff because I was too weak from the alcohol. So I just cried and cried, I tried to scream but he warned me that he will do something if I didn't shut up.When he started to remove my jeans and started rubbing me Sapnap broke into the room and pulled him off. Beating him pretty badly. That is when Sapnap found out about me self harming."

The second I stopped talking Clay grabbed me and put me in his lap. He pulled me in a tight hug. I let myself melt into his embrace and the tears started to come out. I buried my head in his neck and just cried.

He was playing with my hair and soothing me.I felt so safe in the arms of the person I loved the most.

That was the first time in my life when I knew I had something to live for. Someone to live for.

The end

A/N: If you've made it this far congrats! And this fanfic means a lot to me it covers a lot of stuff from my personal life and I feel like I put a little part of me in here so thank you.

...