|A L W A Y S & F O R E V E R| B O O K 1

35||T h e r a p y

Date: 1/9/16
Day of the Week: Saturday
Location: Los Angeles, California
Place: Ciara's Therapy Session

Ciara
"Hi Ciara! How are you doing today?" Her voice came out unusually soft and soothing. She smiled, showing off her high cheekbones. She was a beautiful lady with a light brown skin tone, brown eyes, and a very petite nose.

"Well, I'm here...things could be better, though," I answer truthfully while smiling softly. She nods her head.

"Things could be better, how so?"  She asks.

"Overall, I guess my mental health. Things haven't been going too well lately. Well...besides my relationship and my career."

"How is your relationship?"

"Wonderful."

"Is there anything that you fear may intervene with your relationship in the future?" She asks while leaning in and resting her chin on her fists. I think about it for a minute before shrugging my shoulders.

"I don't think so, at least. Well, I don't know."

"What do you mean by that?" I sighed as I looked down at my hands, fiddling with them out of discomfort.

"I've just been through a lot in my life. There are times when things are going smoothly, and then everything blows up out of my control. I just don't want it to get to the point where it's too much for my boyfriend to handle. He's always there for me and sometimes I feel like I'm draining him with my past troubles. I don't want my problems to run him away." She nods her head understandingly as she sits up in her chair.

"That's understanding. Would you like to talk to me about everything that's going on in your life?" I bit my bottom lip while running my fingers through my hair.

"I don't know where to start. It's a lot. What do you want to know?"

"It's not about what I want to know. It's about what I need to know to help you." I let out a deep breath and stared down at the floor in deep thought.

"For starters, I have a concussion. So you can't help me with that. Because of my concussion, I had to put a pause on my upcoming projects that I was in the middle of working on. So that plays a role in my mental health being down the drain right now." Of course, she starts writing things down on her notepad.

"Wow! A concussion. What happened?"

"I went back to my hometown with my boyfriend to visit my family for Christmas, and I ended up getting into a physical altercation with my cousin instead."

"And what caused this to happen?"

"We don't get along. We never see eye to eye."

"Hmmm. Why is that Ciara?"

I moved around on the couch uncomfortably, adjusting the pillow behind me before crossing my legs.

"Why what?"

"Why don't you and your cousin get along?" I looked around the room and shrugged my shoulders, not wanting to speak on the situation anymore.

"I don't know. She just doesn't like me. Maybe she's jealous." That was partially true, but It wasn't the full story.

"What would she be jealous of exactly?" I raised my brow. She kind of offended me in a way, but I know she's just trying to get under my skin.

"Me. My accomplishments. My healthy relationship. I could go on. Do you want me to?" She shook her head, no. She let out a sigh.

"Look Ciara, I know there's something you're not telling me. There's always more to the story. Now, I can't force you to tell me the information I need to hear, but it's the only way I can help you. Isn't that why you're paying me? To help you with your problems?"

"Maybe it wasn't a good idea for me to come here. I can do it on my own like I've been doing for the past fourteen years."

"If you could do it on your own, why haven't you? Why has it taken you fourteen years."

"I'm fine," I say with irritation.

"Then why are you here?" She sets her notepad down and stares at me in confusion. I stare back blankly with no words to say.

"Ciara, you don't have to do this alone. I want to help you, but I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself. I have no idea how you feel, and I don't know what's going on in your personal life. Nobody that's mentally or emotionally stable goes to therapy for the hell of it. You want my help? That's what I'm trying to do."

My heart started to beat faster as I sat in silence on the couch. It was an uncomfortable silence for me. I thought I was ready to deal with my trauma, but I'm not. I don't even know if I ever want to talk about it. My parents know the truth now, my grandma knows, and Russ knows, too. So why should I have to tell her? What can she do that I can't?

"Ciara?" Her voice caused me to jump a little. I almost forgot where I was.

"Let me help you."

"My head hurts. I don't think I can do this anymore." I rubbed the center of my forehead in between my eyebrows. It had started to throb due to stress. She got up from her chair and came back with a cup of water shortly after. I looked up at her from the couch and took the water. I reached into my purse and pulled out my pills, swallowing two down with the cup of water. She stared at me with concern before speaking.

"You're on medication." She says, trying not to make any assumptions.

"Yes. For the pain from my headaches."

"Okay." She smiled at me awkwardly.

We sat there in an awkward silence once again. We both stared at each other blankly before I looked elsewhere. I could tell she was getting a little frustrated by her body language. She sighed before putting her notepad and pen down on the table next to her.

"I know you're probably uncomfortable right now because you've never had to do this before. That's completely understandable, and I respect that. Therapy is not easy, but if you want to better your mental health, it's necessary, Ciara." She spoke softly, but the expression on her face was that of seriousness. I let out a light sigh.

"Ever since you came through the door, I've been reading your body language. I know something is bothering you. You admitted to having problems with your mental health. On top of that, you mentioned getting into a physical altercation with a family member, which gave you a physical injury. Which put your career on hold. You say this plays a part in your mental health problems. I know every family has its issues, and they don't always get along, but your situation seems different. It seems deeper. There has to be a root to you and your cousin's rocky relationship."

My hands ran down my face while I breathed out deeply. I was hesitant about whether I wanted to talk about my trauma or not. The situation is always so hard for me to talk about. I also felt embarrassed by it, but it was either now, later, or never. My palms became sweaty as my heartbeat sped up for the umpteenth time. My lips parted slowly, but no words came out. Ms. Jackson looked at me with a reassuring smile, signaling me to continue. Once I got the courage to do so, I looked her in her eyes and spoke.

"It all started when I went to my cousin's house for a sleepover."