|A L W A Y S & F O R E V E R| B O O K 1

9||S l i p p i n g

Date: 4/28/15
Day of the Week: Tuesday
Location: Los Angeles, California
Place: Ciara's Condo

Ciara
A couple of weeks passed since I got the news about my grandmother having breast cancer. Lately, I've been spending my time alone at my condo. I haven't told anyone about it except for Russell. I've been distant from everyone I'm close to. My emotions got the best of me, and I would rather be in isolation. Surprisingly, no one came over to see what was going on. They could have at least checked on me to see what was wrong. At least a phone call. Then again, part of me was glad they didn't because I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Slowly but surely, I felt myself slipping into depression. I was dressed in my grey sweatpants with a matching sweatshirt. My hair was pulled into a loose, messy bun. Silently, I sat on the couch, holding the remote in my hand. Flipping from channel to channel, not paying attention to what was on the TV.

*Ring* *Ring* *Ring* *Ring*

My eyes followed the sound of my phone ringing on the coffee table. Russ' name flashed across the screen. He'd been calling me every hour. I couldn't understand why he didn't just leave me alone. Me not answering my phone should have been enough for him to understand I didn't want to be bothered. All I wanted was to be left alone in my sadness. It rang a couple more times before going to voicemail.

"Ci, I know you said you needed time alone to clear your head, but I just wanna hear your voice to make sure you're doing okay. You know? I wanna know how you're holding up. Please call me back soon." He sighed before ending the voicemail. I rolled my eyes in aggravation and threw the remote down on the couch next to me. Zahir had started to cry out to me from upstairs. My hands ran down my face.

"Maaaaama!" I pulled my knees up to my chest, rocking back and forwards on the couch. I began to sob softly as I listened to his loud cries.

"Please stop!" I screamed out. His cries got louder.

"Please...could you just stop?" I screamed once again.

"Maaaaaaaaaama!"

Realizing he wasn't going to stop any time soon, I slowly lifted my head from my knees, laying it against the back of the couch. I closed my eyes and breathed out deeply as the tears rolled down. I sat there for a few seconds before I wiped my tears as best as I could and stood to my feet. When I got to his room, I picked him up from his crib and rubbed his back in small circles. I checked his diaper to see if he was wet and he wasn't. So I thought that he was hungry. I took him downstairs with me and got him a bottle from the fridge before I went to sit back on the couch.

"Here you go." He pushed it away and started crying harder.

"O-Okay...how about a toy then?" I picked up one of his toys and tried to give it to him. He just pushed it out of his face.

"Why won't you stop crying? Mommy's trying." With my emotions being all over the place and him crying I couldn't help but cry too. It's like the more I cried, the worse his cries got. It was as if he could sense I was in pain. I took some deep breaths in and out and tried my best to stop crying. I took the time to do that for a few minutes.

"Baby boy, please don't cry. Mommy's fine now." His crying slowed down, and he wasn't crying as hard now. They turned into light whimpers.

"You don't have to cry. Mommy doesn't like to see you cry. That makes me sad." He looked at me in my eyes before grabbing ahold of my finger. He had stopped whimpering now.

He was still sleepy, so I rocked him back to sleep in my arms. My fingers ran through the soft curls in his hair before running along the sides of his face. I smiled lightly before I placed a kiss on his forehead. I held him on my chest as my chin rested at the top of his head.
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Omniscient
It was later on in the afternoon, 4:00 PM. Ciara lay on the couch resting as Zahir did the same on her chest. Shortly after putting him to sleep, she ended up falling into a slumber. In the two weeks that passed by, she barely got any sleep. She would stay up late at night thinking about her grandmother. Hoping and praying she didn't lose her. She cried herself to sleep every night and throughout the day, just thinking about the possibility that her grandmother may not be here for much longer.