The rest of the day consisted of talking to the dork and having to go all sassy on those sluts. She's lucky I didn't dump hot tar on her ass. Throw a bag of feathers on the bitch. Go all back to the times way back when Americans would do that to the poor tax collectors in England I think. I don't remember. It might have been america. Again, I don't remember.
Anyways towards the end of the day its third period three more periods to go and I'm out of this hell hole and into a different one. I pass by the janitors room and a hand shoots out of it and tries to grab me. But I just slam the door back and possibly fracture their wrist. No one does that in real life or else you get a broken wrist.
I grumble walking away hearing feminine cries from the janitors room and sharp high pitched whispers. I walk over to the bathroom hearing the clicking of heels down the hall attempting to catch up to me. I groan and turn around seeing that thing holding a very red wrist.
I snort and then say "what do you want?"
She glares at me "stop talking to Ash."
"And who might Ash be, oh whoreiest?"
She gasps and looks at me offended "I am not a whore! And Ash is the only person who would actually talk to you, but that's only because he doesn't know you're a freak. You're a bad person for not telling him that. You're ruining his chances at popularity. That's not fair to him."
This. Bitch. "I did tell him you ignorant, obnoxious, slut. Why don't you just mind your own fucking business and stop sticking your face into mine. Fucking hell do you have a life other than attempting to ruin mine?" I say with a tight smile.
She smirks "oh, silly girl, your life was ruined from the day you were born not being able to sweat, and you know that."
Well that stung.
She gives me a once over then smiles seeing the pain in my eyes most likely.
"Just stop talking to Ash you pathetic waste of space, God I'm almost ashamed to have wasted my time on your sorry ass." She sighs dramatically "the things I do for other people."
"More like 'the-things-I-do-to-get-laid'," I mumble walking away.
I walk back to my classroom and sit where I was before I had a close encounter with the walking std. Two minutes later the bell rings and I gather my stuff and walk out the classroom, on my way out I bump into someone. I look up and smile ready to apologize and then walk away. The person I bumped into is Ash apparently.
I laugh and say "oops sorry I wasn't paying attention hope you're not hurt or anything."
He sneers and says "don't talk to me you freak. And don't come near me. I don't want to catch something nasty"
I look at him cocking my head to the side looking at him curiously. I look in his eyes and see sadness and regret. I smile at him "okay."
He looks at me in disbelief, but his eyes show some emotion unknown to me. It flashes for a split second and is gone almost instantly. He scowls at me and then smiles at Cake Face who comes walking up. He says "hey baby!" and then hugs her and she looks over at me in disgust then says "sympathetically"
"oh, silly girl. He doesn't give a fuck about you. He was dared to talk to you. And trust me at first he didn't want to go through with it. And not because that would be rude and wrong on so many levels blah blah blah, yeah, whatever nope. Just because he didn't want the schools freak so close to him. Stupid, silly girl."
Then she kissed him right on the lips.
She leads his hand up her dress. I roll my eyes and walk away hearing exaggerated moans and kissing noises.
I don't care.
I feel my heart slowly ripping.
I don't care.
Why does it hurt?
I don't care.
And then the first tear falls.
I feel ashamed. I feel like I never made her proud and even now when she's already fucking gone I'm still not making her proud.
Mom said to smile, damn it, smile.
So I wipe my eyes. Walk into the nearest bathroom. And look in the mirror practicing my smiles. When I can't even attempt a half smile I break down crying. I hear footsteps coming near. I internally groan and hide in the nearest bathroom stall.
I pull my sweater sleeves down and hide my face in them crying still making as little noise as possible. I hear the bathroom doors open. Unable to stop crying I proceed making as little noise as possible. Then I slip up and my shoes on the toilet seat makes a squeak.
This time I hold my breath the person in the bathroom halts in front of my stall. I sigh knowing someone will see me crying. No they can't. They'll use it to their advantage. They'll try harder to break me. I cry even more. It's been so long since I've cried I don't even know if I'll be able to stop crying. Because moms gone. Dad doesn't love me.
And if I were to disappear at this very moment, sure people would notice. But no one would go looking for me.
When I get home he'll probably yell at me again. Because I'm a freak. Because I have no friends. Because I'm not normal. Because I'm all alone. Because it's all my fault she's gone. And I'm not okay, no, not at all. I cry harder. Please, oh, please let all these thoughts get pushed away again I can't fucking take it their trying to suffocate me.
Why now? Why now of all times do these feelings and thoughts choose now to come hurtling my way? Why do they choose now to try to break me? Please just let me stop crying, I hate feeling and being this vulnerable.
My eyes widen. It's happening. Oh god, it's happening. I feel myself not being able to breathe. I feel my lungs taking too much air in. And breathing in my breaths too quickly for my body to be able to exhale. I'm having a panic attack.
I haven't had one since the day mom left me alone to deal with dad. I feel like the world is collapsing onto my lungs. By now I don't care. All that matters is attempting to calm down and breathe before I pass out. Usually whenever this happens I think of mom and dad. Before mom left and before dad decided he didn't love me.
So I thought of them. Whenever they were content with me and we were a nice happy family. But it's hard to remember that whenever it's all been ripped away. I can't breathe. It's getting worse. I'm shaking.
Suddenly the stall door is opened and I'm still shaking, crying and hyperventilating in the middle of a panic attack. I'm being picked up and sat on someone's lap. Arms wrap around me. I thrash around screaming and the person whispers in my ear "shh it's ok I'm not hurting you, I'm trying to help you, don't worry, I've got you."
I calm down and soon enough the hyperventilation fades away and my tears, very slowly, dry. I look up at the person and see that it's a guy. I look at him curiously and sniffle before saying "you know I'm pretty sure you're not a girl what are you doing in here?"
He chuckles before saying "well at first I actually just happen to walk into the wrong restrooms and then I actually only noticed it was the girls restrooms whenever your foot squeaked against the toilet seat. But then you were crying and then you kind of had a panic attack, and I didn't want to leave you like that."
I smile weakly at him and he frowns. "Why are you frowning I gave you a smile?"
"Because it's not real."
