Carter
It's been a few days. They say that over the years my heart has been being overheated basically. Kind of like your phone battery.
After so long of overheating it, it winds up not working anymore. But it starts with not working as well.
See, my heart is in that "not working as well" stage. They say that to be safe I shouldn't do much walking. Let alone running. I've been bound to a wheelchair now because my father has finally seen the error in his ways I guess.
He said he doesn't want to lose all he has left of my mother. Apparently that's how he sees me now.
Of course I walk around either way. My legs work, my heart doesn't.
Ash has been around a lot. My father only lets me go to school 3 days a week now. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday now. He says he doesn't want me to strain myself. The rest of my school related studies I do from home.
They say I need a new heart. The one I have now is broken. It doesn't work. It's no good.
I guess in a way it's tragically poetic.
That's the way my nurse put it. My nurse has become a dear friend of mine. I'm on the heart transplant list. They think I don't know how long it takes to actually get to the top of that list. My father keeps using all the money he can to try and get me a new heart immediately but I argue on this topic to him.
He refuses to fully respect my wishes to let time get me to the top of that list on it's own. I tell him that there are small children on that list. That I would want them to experience their first kiss. For the little girls to walk down the isle. To fall in love. For their already short life to be cut even shorter.
This usually does nothing until I bring up my mother. She wouldn't want us to have cheated our way into getting me my new heart. At this he only stood quiet.
I knew he wasn't going to let me let time get me to the top of that list.
Ash spent most of his time with me and for that I'm grateful. He pretended like my time wasn't going to be cut short. And for that I was grateful for everyone else treated me like they were walking on eggshells.
Today was a particularly boring day. I had already finished with my "school". It was a Tuesday so this was the day where I had to take online classes from home and my father works late. In other words one of the only days I get to walk around without being scolded.
This is one of the things Ash will scold me on as well. One of the only things, I know he tries to hide that he's worried not out of fear of commitment or that he doesn't want me to know that he cares, but because he knows I hate when people mention my condition.
I guess I don't like any more reminders of all that is wrong with me. Today felt off though. Like something important was supposed to happen today.
Next thing I knew the front door burst open. I silently shrieked out of fear that it was my father and he would see me walking around. I wasn't quite in the mood for being lectured.
I sprinted to my room and then frantically searched for my wheelchair. I cursed under my breath and then checked my closet. Sure enough there it was, I grabbed it and pulled it out, quickly sitting in it. I then slowly pushed the wheels of the chair to roll myself out of my room.
I sighed in relief seeing that it was only Ash. He smiled brightly at me. I smiled back at him out of breath. I slowly got out of the chair and walked to him. He glared disapprovingly. I just scoffed and walked over to him.
"You already know I'm not going to let you walk around yet you still walk around stop being so stubborn you little shit." And then he picked me up and hauled me over his shoulder.
"Where are we going?" I asked him, this whole situation being normal by now.
"To eat." He said smiling.
"Wait I'm still in my pajamas Ash, no." I replied.
"Too bad."
"Ash I literally don't even have shoes on."
"Yes you do, your onesie covers your feet, close enough."
"Ash what the hell no."
"It's okay."
"No it's not."
"Yep."
"Ash seriously no."
"Well I have to take you for your birthday." He said and sighed jokingly.
"Wait what."
"Carter did you seriously forget your own birthday."
"Maybe?"
"What the hell, how."
"I actually don't know I haven't celebrated it in a couple years."
"Well let this be a first in a long time."
"I guess." I said.
For the rest of that day Ash took me to eat. We saw a movie and we spent some time with his family. They really seem to like me for some reason. Ash didn't let me walk at all.
But just this once it didn't quite bother me. Except for at night we were walking back to my house. He let me walk because I whined about it. We were almost by my house anyway. Just another more block.
But then something was happening. My heart wasn't beating normally. It was skipping beats and beating too hard.
My whole chest began to hurt. Everything began to hurt. My breathing was heavy and I felt lightheaded. Then I collapsed.
Ash began yelling. Everything was fading away.
This was my first heart attack.
Perhaps my heart is worse than how everyone was telling me it was.
