Carter
I woke next to bright lights. No recollection of the days before obviously. I groaned and I heard my father speaking to someone.
I heard many people. Something felt weird. I tried to sit up but I gasped. There was a terrible pain in my chest and I whimpered.
My father rushed to my side. "Honey don't move you'll reopen your stitches."
"What?" I croaked out.
"You got that new heart."
And then everything hit me. All my memories.
Tears surged forth and I felt as if everything was falling apart.
I asked the question I knew the answer to but didn't want to believe it.
"It's Ash's heart honey. He saved your life."
"But what's the point of that if he gave up his to do so." And I began sobbing.
My father stood quiet. He walked away momentarily and there was an ache in my heart. It felt worse than my heart attack. Everything seemed to be falling apart around me and I couldn't seem to keep myself together.
My father returned with a piece of paper in his hands. "He said to open this when you were ready." And then my father left it at my bed side and walked away.
With shaking hands I slowly reached over to my bed side and grabbed the paper. I saw his hand writing and I felt tears reach my eyes. I began reading.
Dear, Carter
I'm sorry I couldn't save you without giving myself up for you. I'd rather I had gone instead of seeing you go without doing what I knew I could have done.
Please don't be sad. It's just like before. My heart still beats for you, but in a more literal sense now. I'm always with you. My heart is yours. Don't ever feel alone for I am still alive.
I live through you.
Every time you feel what is now your heart beat remember me.
I will always be a part of you. I have not left you just yet.
Consider it a better birthday present. It might not be what you wished for but it's one of the only things I could do.
I love you.
By now I was crying. But it didn't hurt. I slowly put my hand on my chest. I felt his heart beat. The same heart beat I had memorized through countless sleep overs consisting of me laying on his chest and just listening to his heartbeat until I would fall asleep.
I remember he would listen to mine at times and for some odd reason I felt like my fucked up heartbeat was something to be self conscious about.
One time he asked me what it felt like whenever the rhythm would get messed up. I told him it felt like your heart was fluttering so sometimes I couldn't tell if it was my Arrhythmia or just the effect he had on me.
At this he would smile.
I sat there just re reading his letter and smiling. It would all be okay. He really did save me.
And then the unexpected happened. His family came in through the doors. Cadence walked in first and then followed Jasper and Daisi.
"Cadence don't." Daisi told her.
"I just want to hear him!" She said.
There was a pause.
She turned to me with tears in her eyes. "Please just..let me hear my brother."
I knew what she meant.
I nodded slowly.
She grabbed a stethoscope and then pressed the cold metal part right on his heart. After a couple seconds she broke down sobbing and she hugged me. She held onto me tightly and then Jasper and Daisi joined in the hug.
We all cried.
The next week was Dylan-Ashton Grey's funeral. And although his siblings loved me and confided in me his father hates my guts and considers it all my fault. He banned me from the funeral and said if I came within 100 yards of the cemetery on that day he would call the cops on me.
When it all gets rough I read the letter and place a hand over his heart. And I feel how he is with me. He keeps me alive now. In a quite literal sense.
