The next day at school everyone stares at me whispering. I look down and walk slowly. For once I look weak and every one is taking advantage of it. As I walk people call me awful things. It's at times like these where I am deeply ashamed to be a human.
We all put each other down. Wether we like to admit it or not we do. And it's terrible, and it breaks my heart to see what we've become. Sure we aren't killing each other, (at least not that I know of) but we might as well be. Since all we do for fun is destroy those around us with terrible words we push them to things like; anxiety, depression, and even suicide.
Even if we aren't grabbing a blade and cutting their wrists, doesn't it kill you inside to know that you have pushed another human being to their breaking point?
You have just killed a person inside, and now they will never be the same again. Are you happy at what you have created? That person will never look at their own reflection the same again. Nothing will be the same for that person now.
Yet you will sleep soundly because in your eyes, well, you didn't cut too deep or you didn't pull the trigger. You put the blame on them because you'd rather them carry that weight on their chest rather than yourself.
And it's terrible.
I'm starting to get bags under my eyes because the only things on my mind were him yesterday. When I woke up I thought it was all a dream until I had a reminder telling me to go see him after school. But not at his house or anything. At the hospital and then the pain struck my heart so suddenly I gasped because suddenly I forgot how to breathe.
I honestly don't know why it hurts so much. Sure he's a human being and naturally it (should) hurt whenever you loose them even if you didn't know them. But this hurts as bad as when I lost my mum. Maybe even worse and that terrifies me. Because I actually loved my mum.
So does that mean...
No.
I can't. I honestly cannot loose yet another person I love. I cannot stand by and be completely helpless and watch as the life gets drained out of him. I know for a fact that I will shatter if that happens again.
Honey, it's already happening, and there's honestly nothing you can do.
I will not survive this..
Then Kai walks up and hugs me really tight, "I love you.." He mumbles kissing my head.
I shake my head and push him away lightly, "Stop lying.."
He looks at me giving me a once over before sighing,"You love him don't you?"
"You already know how I feel, and so do I, so why don't we stop pretending to be fucking clueless already. I am hurting, and I need a best friend, not a liar, you can decide which one you want to be."
