DESTINED

Chapter Eight

I heavily sighed while tracing the lines and curves with my finger. Words were carved inside the walls of the closet. Wala akong ideya kung kailan at paano nangyaring may nakaukit ng mga salita dito. Pag-gising ko nalang kanina at pagbukas ng closet, meron ng nakasulat sa loob nito. Coincidentally, these words are exactly the same of what I have said to myself before I slept.

I can't alter my fate without affecting other people's destiny. Sacrifices has to be made as an exchange of my selfishness.

This is what I have realized after those two miserable scenes involving Nathan's daughter. Every time I changed my fate, she suffers for my sake. Hindi ko alam kung nagkataon lang ba na siya ang laging naapektuhan sa mga ginagawa kong pagbabago pero ang tanging nasisiguro ko lang ngayon ay dapat pigilan ko na ang sarili ko sa paggamit ng closet para lang baguhin ang kapalaran ko.

Unti-unti akong kinakain ng konsensya ko sa tuwing naaalala ko ang nangyari kahapon. She broke down in tears while endlessly saying sorry for what her Father has done. And I hate the fact how I just stood there, doing nothing to save her. I felt useless and so hurt that I wanted to go back in time and change it back to what everything should have been. Balak ko sanang akuin nalang ang kapalarang nararapat sa akin dahil sa pag-time travel ko.

Ngunit naisip ko, kung hindi ko binago ang nangyari, hindi na dapat ako makakabalik kina Kester at hindi na makikita ang Ginny sa nakaraan which means I wouldn't have a picture with her, with them! But she had one in the future and it sounded to me as a proof that it was my destiny to turned back the time and make these selfish acts.

I sat down on its floor and leaned my back on it. "Come what may," I say, voiceless as I raised my hand, extending it and finally touching the clock.

*~*~*

Fiddling with my fingers once again, I stayed idle for a while. Hindi ako lumabas ng closet upang hayaan ang sarili kong makapag-isip ulit. Shall I continue meeting them? Or shall I go and stop messing up with time?

I shook my head.

I can't just stop without knowing. I had to understand Ginny's reason. I had to understand why I was given a chance to time travel, if there are any. And I had to know why of all places I ended up here - in their room.

Nabalik ako sa aking ulirat nang may pumasok na ilaw sa aking kinauupuan. Iniangat ko ang tingin ko, nakabukas na pala ang closet at siya muli ang sumalubong sa akin mula sa pagkakahulog ko mula sa time dimension ko.

"Wala ka bang balak na lumabas d'yan?" Ang dalawa niyang makakapal na kilay ay nagtagpo na tila iisa nalang ito. His eyes were fixed on me. Hindi ko nga lang mabasa ang emosyon niya mula rito na hindi na nakakapagtaka. His impassive look is really good at hiding his emotions.

Ngumiti ako ng malapad sa kanya bago siya tinanong, "Aren't you curious? Bakit laging ikaw ang nakakabukas ng closet kapag bumabagsak ako? Bakit hindi si Kester eh sa kanya naman 'tong kuwarto?"

"When I think of it, I don't find it curious at all."

Kinunot ko ang aking noo sa sagot na binigay niya. Hindi ko maintindihan ang tugon nito. But before I could even ask him further, he already pulled me up. Hinila niya ako palabas ng kuwarto at hanggang sa pagbaba ng hagdan. Sa konting sandaling iyon ay parang bumagal ang oras. Kung ako man ang tatanungin, marahil sasabihin kong hindi ko alam kung paano ito nangyari pero alam ko naman talaga. Hindi ko lang maintindihan kung pa'nong ang simpleng paghawak ng kamay niya sa kamay ko ay parang may taglay na mahika para pabagalin ang isang minuto.

His holding my hand and I can't deny that it felt as though his hands fit perfectly on mine.

Huli na ng mapansin kong nasa sala hapag-kainan na kami at hawak-hawak pa rin niya ang kamay ko. Kaagad na sumigaw si Kester ng isang malakas na "Chenee!" nang makita ako at nagtatakbo para lapitan ako. Pero hindi niya ako niyakap, kundi inalis niya ang pagkakahawak ng kamay namin ni Kervin bago niya ako tanungin. "Bakit hindi ka dumalaw dito kahapon?"