DESTINED

Chapter Twenty

Almost two weeks passed. Funny how it would sound so fast to anyone who reads this, but so damn long to someone who’s being part of each of these passing days - me.

I thought everything would be fine after my farewell. I assumed that I could handle the reality as fast as I embraced the fantasy. But I was wrong. Nothing in this world of mine could keep my mind from wandering to the dimension I’ve lived, laughed, and loved. Nothing could stop me from thinking of what’s going on there. Nothing, no matter what I do, could halt the images of the ones I’ve left behind from replaying in my mind.

Ang hirap pala.

I always thought I could do anything so easily in life, yet forgetting seemed to be the perfect example of an exemption to the rule.

Forgetting them... especially him... is more or less like a battle, and I’m losing it. I keep on holding onto all those vivid pictures of what used to be though at the end of the day, everything single memory would just pierce my heart without mercy and slap my face to wake me up from a beautiful dream. A beautiful dream, could it possibly be just that?

This breaks my heart even more.

What if everything was just really a dream, created by my mind, out of my hopeless search for love? What if Kester was a mere fictional character written by my mind to satisfy my desires? What if Kervin and Ginny, just like Kester, was a pure fiction, created to keep the love story realistic in my eyes?

But I doubt that.

Because it exists. It still does.

The closet.

Nakakainis nga, eh.

It’s because that thing still occupies my room, I couldn’t help myself from moving on. It’s a proof that every single magic I experienced happened, and that includes falling in love with Kester - the best magic that has ever cast upon me.

The closet is what keeps me loving, hoping, and waiting. Yes, waiting - for the day that Kester and I would meet again.

Pwede pa naman kaming magkita ulit eh, kung hindi siya sobrang nagalit para kalimutan ako.

Inalala ko ang sulat na itinago ko sa ilalim ng unan niya.

To my dearest Kester,
               Kung binabasa mo man ito ngayon, siguro hindi mo na ako nakikitang pumupunta d’yan sa inyo. Umalis na kasi ako Kester at kahit gusto kong mag-stay, hindi ko magagawa. Reason? I wanted to tell you that my parents dragged me to go to the other side of the world, that I’m just being relocated somewhere around the globe... but it will be another lie if I’d say so. So better to keep my mouth zip about this matter as for the time being. Pero ‘wag kang mag-alala, I’ll try let you understand at the right place and at the ‘right time’ ... if you still wish to talk to me after what I have done.
               I’m sorry I had no courage to tell you how sorry I am for leaving you with no idea at all. I know you’re in pain right now and it’s all because of me... and I hated myself more for it. But I had to do it Kester, it’s the only choice I was given. I’m sorry.
               Just so you know, I lied a thousand times to you but I won’t mention what those lies were. And I don’t care if you’ll eventually think that all I ever said to you was a lie but my I LOVE YOUs to you? They’re the newly picked roses among the plastic ones displayed, the truth among the lies laid beneath your feet. Every single time I said those words were real. Please don’t doubt that.
               So for one last time, I’ll ask you this: Trust me, Kester. And if you still do after 10 years... Please meet me on December 5, 2015 (6:00 pm) in front of AFU main gate.
               I’ll be waiting for you.