DESTINED

Chapter Nineteen

I shut my eyes close as if through it every vision, every strand of worried thought I had, could actually disappear into nothingness, like it never crossed my mind. Yet rather than peace brought about by seeing nothing, images of what-ifs plagued my mind even more; they’ve never been so pellucid until this very moment that one would wonder if they’re actually happening in front of me and not just created out of my fears.

Images of Kester, Kervin, Ginny, and even me that shows the endless possibilities of what might happen after today drowned me. Is there really nothing I could do? Does it have to end when every thing seem so perfect and real? Can’t I just extend a little bit more ‘til I’m ready to let go? But when will I be ready to go?

Or I guess the real question is, am I able to let go? Of the memories we built as friends? Of the mysteries the time travelling behold? Of anxiety it gives whenever I fall? Of Kester? How could I let go of someone who gave me a lot to remember?

I was awoken by Kester’s voice, a frown creased his forehead. “Okay ka lang Chenee? Masakit ba ang ulo mo? Gusto mo bang iuwi na kita?”

His concern loosened up my chest for a second yet it tightened again when I glanced around the table, Ginny looking at me suspiciously while Kervin staring through his lashes at me.

I mentally slapped myself. Nakalimutan kong kasama ko nga pala silang tatlo ngayon. This is the last time we’ll be enjoying each other’s company and I’m ruining it. Chenee, please cooperate. You have to make this last get together unforgettable. So they’d always remember you or at least, hearing your name would make them stop and smile.

“I’m fine, Kester. So ano ng gagawin natin?” I squeezed his hand, a second or two longer than it used to be. I’m surely gonna miss this. Kung alam ko lang sanang darating ang araw na ito, sana hindi ko na hinayaan ang sarili ko na masanay na may kahawak na kamay.

My hand would feel lonely without its pair.

“Alam ko na! Picture! All four of us. Pagka kinasal na kasi tayo at magkaroon ng mga anak, sigurado akong maghahanap sila ng mga larawan natin tapos sasabihin nila, ‘Ang ganda ni Mami oh!’ o kaya ‘Asan dyan si Dadi?’ Tapos ituturo ko ‘yong mukha ko tsaka sasabihin ng anak natin na ‘Ikaw ‘yan Dadi? ‘kala ko artista!’” Isang malakas na tawa ang sumunod sa haba ng sinabi niya,  dahilan para lingonin kami ng ibang customer. “Kervs! I hate you.” sigaw naman niya nang tapunan siya ng Kuya niya ng table napkin.

Tatawa-tawa ko silang pinagmamasdan na magbangayan. Their brotherly love is one thing I’m going to miss. Ninamnam ko nalang ang bawat segundo ng kakulitan nila na para bang ito ang huling episode ng isang series na lagi kong inaabangan.

Matapos naming umalis sa aming pinagkainan ay naglibot ulit kami sa mall. Though Kester wanted to buy something for me, I chose not to. I insisted on window shopping. Dinahilan ko na hindi talaga ako sanay na binibilhan. It’s partly true but the real reason was beyond that. The thing that he’ll give to me will not just be a thing anymore. It will be something I’ll treasure, hold onto, and a sign that he existed in my life. And that part alone will hardly help me in going back to the life I had before I met him.

Nang mapagod na kami sa kakalakad ay napagdesisyonan naming dumiretso sa lounge area ng mall.

There’s this fountain, though obviously doesn’t blend with its green surroundings since it somehow resembles the ones in those royalty kingdom, that has always been a sold-out to every single customer of the premises. It feels to me that the grandeur of the said fountain has captivated the hearts of the people to the point that almost everyone was willing to spend hours there. And maybe, you should count us in as we sat on its slippery edge. I watched my reflection on its crystal clear water and I felt like a little girl, so giddy just seeing myself in a mirror of water.