Choi Misun, the only heir to her father's throne, was a regular teenage girl who was born with high position. She liked to be with her friends, go on walks and read romance novels. She also had many duties as a princess, one of them being to find a...
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Choi Misun
Everything felt like nothing at all.
Numbness overtook my whole being in the past four months. All I had in my head was him. I put the thoughts on paper while shedding tears, putting the pages in a safe space, hoping maybe one day I could show him how much he means to me even while not present.
We heard news about the war whenever someone sent out a letter, letting us know we were winning just barely. Many men injured, many men...dead.
Bodies of men were sent back to town on carriages where officers let women close if they could identify someone. If they can recognize their loved ones who laid their lives for us. It wasn't everyone who have died. I was sure some strong man weren't able to be transported here due to the fatal injuries.
I had to send Dorothy the four times carriages came back. To make sure he wasn't in the middle of them. To have at least the little piece of hope he is well and sound, still fighting strong.
And each time she came back, she said there was no sight of his body there.
Sense of relief wrapped around my body. For one second, I felt at peace, knowing he could still be walking on the land with both feet.
My mother comforted me when they marched away. She sat with me in my chamber, holding onto me until I was ready to let go. She held my hand in hers every time we hear the news of the men they brought back, squeezing it when we get to know if he was there or not.
I was sure my father wanted to give him a hard time in the beginning. Hoping to break him so we would never get to be together again. And even though I hated him for what he has done, I was also scared for his life.
Although I found out what kind of a person he really is and despised him, he was still my father. I have loved him for sixteen years of my life and thought he was incredible. I can't control the worry I have over the people close to me. But I did pray for his safety as well.
While my father is gone, my mother and I share the ruling. We do everything my father did but separately. Each of us half, even though I managed to convince my mother to trust me more and give me more responsibilities. She didn't object and said I could take it as a practice for my future once my...once my father will no longer be here.
As an heir, it never does feel good to know you will sit on the throne just because your parent passes away. It never has and never will be a good feeling. No matter on what note you are with them.
But I appreciated getting to try what it feels like to rule. I have been taught with words how it is. Not by practice. However, under what circumstances I got to try it, I wish I would have been able to just be a princess for more years to come. Meaning I would enjoy my love for way longer than I was able to.
My mother has been very supportive of everything. Not only has she been there for me when it comes to Yoongi, she has helped me whenever I needed help with how to rule my country. She told me my father let her help him at the beginning of their union. She helped him with few of the smaller, not too important situations while he handled the bigger ones. I appreceated her help so much.
Our relationship has recovered quite well during this time. She was there for me, I was there for her and while I knew she must have lots of hatered towards him, I knew the love she had for him years ago was still somewhere deep inside of her. I guessed she felt the same as I did. He has been a part of her life for years. She has loved him before I was born and turned her anger on me because she felt at fault of him betraying their love and wanted more of his attention.
While I might never entirely forgive her or forget what she has done, I understood her point of view and could look at everything she has done since she first apologized and recognized her mistakes. She has gotten better as each day passed.
And I felt grateful to have her by my side in the tough times.
Not only did I have her, but also my close friends and Dorothy. They come here every so often to check on me and to discuss anything needed. Their fathers and Katherine's husband didn't have to come on the first draft into the war, however, all of them are prepared to go if my father sends out a letter for more men and because he drafted so many of them, there are no reinforcements needed as of yet.
The ladies...they have been through as many emotions as I was. Especially Katherine. She is worried about the fate of her husband. When we were alone together few weeks ago, she has shared with me that she made love with him for the first time because she is worried what would happen if he got drafted. I shared in return how Yoongi and I did the same the night of my birthday.
It felt great to be able to share something like that with her. We fully supported each other. Well, there was nothing wrong withe them doing it since they were a married couple. I think it was rather impressive, and many people would think so too, that they managed to keep away from doing it for so long. I was happy for her.
She didn't make any comments on me losing my innocence to Yoongi. She supported my decision, telling me how proud she is of me for deciding to do what felt right for me. She knew there was a high risk of me not being able to choose my own husband and that he would most likely force me to do anything he wants, not giving me the right to choose. Kat said if it were to come to it and I didn't bleed, I could pretend to be aroused and tell whoever that I used to touch myself down there.
As terrifying and horrible it sounded, I was glad for her thoughts. I just hoped I would never get into that position.
And I also hoped that one day, no one would have to be forced into marriage against their will. I do not care if it will take me years of rulling and I will have to marry a powerful man I do not love, I want to make everyone be able to love whoever they want. Even if I'll go against my own preaching. It will be for the next generation.
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☾𝚅'𝚜 𝚊/𝚗☽
Very short filler chapter, I know. But it felt right to end here and longer chapters are coming. Also - sorry for the delay.
Another thing I wanted to do. You might ask why I made the previous chapters so short. I got inspired in New Moon by Stephanie Meyer when Edward was away. Pages with just the month to see how time went by for Bella. I thought it was best to show that they missed each other deeply.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please VOTE if you did<3
