CAPTUS || JinKook

18. Reeling

AN

Sorry for the delay. My emotions are still in shambles. I haven't recovered from the military announcement yet then The Astronaut made it more difficult for me to move on.

Let us support Seokjin and the boys. Stream and buy if you can.

For now, enjoy the update. I did not edit anything so whatever error you see, please let it pass.

I hope you're all doing well.

•••

Seokjin's POV

I am not into arts.

Well...

Not exactly.

I know how to appreciate them. Not at the deeper level, though. Beautiful paintings and drawings always catch my attention. But admiring it in the sense that I am going to dig deeper to understand the meaning or to find meaning, is something I haven't done yet. Apart from being required in school years ago, of course.

I admire the artist more. I sometimes wonder what is going on in their minds while doing art. I admire how inspired they are that that inspiration is turning into something beautiful. They can develop their ideas into something that others can see and appreciate. And probably, get inspired as well.

Back to my reality, I sometimes question myself if I haven't done enough to save my marriage. If I was a bad parent to my only son. Or if Namjoon was right to say that I gave so much more important to my friends than my family. That I am a bad husband. That I am nothing without him.

My parents are my inspiration. They are a picture of a perfect couple. That was the reason why I strive hard to be a better partner. I want to be like them. I want to turn that inspiration into something beautiful. Like how my mom is to my appa. And how they raised me to be who I am now.

To be honest, I am confident that I did my best to be the best husband and father. I think I had showed what I do best, taking care of and loving Namjoon and Sunghoon. But I guess, not everyone knows how to appreciate those things. Not everyone knows how to see the beauty of those things. And not everyone is willing to dive into a deeper level of appreciation toward your sense of commitment to being a good person. Perhaps, all they know is you're only doing that because of responsibility and not out of love.

Art. Life. Love. They are all complicated in a way.

This morning, after giving my boss his daily dose of caffeine and wraps, I asked for permission to leave earlier than usual. Today is our hearing with the Family Court. After some grueling months, my marriage will finally come to an end.

Jungkook is a type of boss who only gives a short response. Lucky if you get one whole sentence. He responded okay when I asked permission. I told him I have an appointment. I'm not even sure if he heard me or if he understood. He was busy signing documents at that time. And the truth is I took that as an opportunity to ask for permission as he was busy, he might be wanting me to just leave the room immediately.

As I stared at the painting hanging on the wall, I cannot help but be amazed at how talented Jungkook is. All I know is he is stiff and often indifferent. Truly, do not judge someone the way you see him. Oftentimes, there is something more to what you are seeing.

Several paintings and photos are hanging along the hallway. Seventy percent of them have the cherry blossom flower. But one particular painting always has me drawn into it. The one hanging at the end of the hallway, just beside the lift. It was the painting of the faceless man, standing under the cherry blossom tree. There is one question running through my head all these times. Why is the man faceless?