CAPTUS || JinKook

29. Scarred

After a shower, Jin checked himself in the mirror and fixed his hair. He combed the hair strands out of his forehead before smiling at himself. Looking at his slightly swollen lips, he remembered how long and deep Jungkook kissed him as soon as they entered the flat. Jin thought they would end up in bed by the way Jungkook held him, but it seemed Jungkook was hesitant. Brushing the negative thought away, he took a deep breath before heading out of the bedroom.

Jin made his way to the kitchen. He took his time in the shower, so he was not surprised that Jungkook was already in the kitchen preparing something for their movie night. And he was just finished washing a pot.

"I cooked some popcorn. Do you want anything? Chips? Let's order something?"

Jin shook his head. Jungkook already made the night special after he requested him to stay. "I'm okay with popcorn."

Jungkook placed everything on the living room's center table before turning the TV on. "Do you love watching movies? Series? Or shows?"

Jin smiled shyly while taking his seat on the sofa. "I always turn the TV on before going to sleep. The sound helps me fall asleep. So I don't really watch."

It was clear to Jungkook that Jin felt alone and found the noise from the TV comforting. He was using it as a sleep aid and, perhaps, to drown the house's silence. Indeed, Jin was a very delicate person. He knew Jin needed more time to get used to him being around, as he felt the awkwardness in Jin no matter how many times and how long they kissed earlier.

"Did it hurt?"

Jungkook's attention went from the movie to Jin, whose finger outlined the tattoos on his arm. "It would be a lie if I said no. The parts with thinner skin had more discomfort. It may sound weird, but the pain was satisfying."

"Did you get it all at once?"

Jungkook smiled. He found Jin's gaze glued to his arm adorable. "No. It was part by part. Some of it wasn't the original. I had some covered with new ones."

Jin found it amazing how someone could endure the pain of going through a needle repeatedly puncturing the skin. "I don't know anything about arts, but I heard a tattoo is one form of it. You must love art so much."

"I'm not that kind of, you know, immense in art. Mostly, it's a hobby of mine. When I really like something, or if I want to remember something, I will paint it."

"So you really like the cherry blossoms? Do you love spring?" Jin asked curiously, making Jungkook chuckle.

"Honestly, it's not the cherry blossoms. I love spring and the flower, but if it's about the paintings you're referring to, it has a deep meaning behind them. I painted it because I do not want to forget a moment. It's just that that moment happened in spring and under a cherry blossom tree. I accidentally captured that moment in a photo and painted it."

The sad tone laced in Jungkook's voice made Jin feel that it was about heartbreak. Part of him hurts not for Jungkook but for himself. "Was it a breakup?"

"Well, not exactly. It's difficult to explain, but it was a heartbreak."

Jin started to toy with his fingers as he felt a stabbing pain in his heart. "Why would you want to remember a heartbreak?"

Jungkook shifted in his seat and faced Jin. He placed Jin's hand in his and started to massage it. He knew in his heart that Jin was beginning to get anxious again based on his body language. "Heartbreak is scary, isn't it? But no matter how scary it must be, it cannot be avoided. It's how we handle ourselves after that. It's not that I want to remember a heartbreak. But I want to remember a part of that moment. Most especially the person in that photo. It was a shame he wasn't aware of his heartbreak, which broke my heart. But the photo made me believe in hope. No matter how long, if it's meant for you, it will come."

"A-are you in a relationship now?"

Jungkook chuckled, "I wouldn't be here with you right now if I were."

Jin wanted to sigh in relief but did not to avoid creating a wrong impression. "Were you dating before we met?"

"No."

Jin pouted, making Jungkook laugh. Jungkook poked Jin's pouty lips before asking, "What's with the pout?"

"I don't believe you."

Jungkook laughed louder hearing that. "I've only had two serious relationships. Believe it or not."

And that made Jin's lips go even further, prompting Jungkook to give Jin a quick kiss.

"Do I look like a fuck boy?"

Jin bit his lips before responding. He didn't know how to put it in nice words. "It's not that. But with your looks and status, it doesn't seem like you only had two."

"Sometimes, our impressions of someone are the opposite of who they are. I may look like a fuckboy or a flirt, but I don't go around fucking. I dated, yes, but I'm not that person who would end up in bed."

"I'm sorry. That's not what I mean."

Jungkook pinched Jin's cheek and pulled him closer. "Do you want to see my artwork? But it's at my home."

Jin stared at their hands, and though it confused him, the painting made him curious. He remembered Taehyung telling him about the person in that painting, and he also remembered Jungkook telling him that the one at home had a face. "The one with a face?"

Jungkook nodded. "I have a small gallery at home. If you want, I can show my work to you."

"Where is your home?"

"In Gwacheon."

"Really? It's not too far, like how Jimin described it. There's a park there that I frequented when I was younger. Now I know why you captured the cherry blossoms. That park have those."

"I know. So, let's leave early?"

Jin suddenly remembered something making him nervous, "Are your parents there?"

"No. But even if they are there, I would love for them to meet you."

It took a moment before Jin absorbed what Jungkook had said. He didn't know if that was sincere because, for him, it was too good to be true.

"I know it's difficult to trust someone right now. I cannot blame you, and I fully understand where those doubts come from. But I hope you can give me a chance to prove myself, at least?"

A lump formed in his throat, and he hated why he could not cry. It was like his cries were choking him, making his voice shakier. "Namjoon thinks I was no better. That's why he's now with someone else. I'm not a good father, either. That's why I'm trying to prove to the court that I can be a father. I am ashamed of myself. A day a month with my son is all I'm asking because I doubt myself if I can take care of him. I cannot blame people if they don't want me. Aren't you scared of that?"

"Is that what Namjoon made you believe you are?"

Jin could not answer. He just stared back at Jungkook.

"I don't know how Namjoon treated you or what he told you, but it is clear that he left you scarred and afraid. I am not in the position to tell you this because, in all honesty, I barely know your ex-husband. But judging from how hesitant you are and how you think you are, he manipulated your mind by making you believe you are not enough.

You are a wonderful person Jin. I know my words are not enough to make you feel better or to ease your fears, but I do hope somehow, it can appease you that not everyone will look and feel the way you think they would to you. You are surrounded by people who genuinely care for you, which is what matters. Dwelling with how Namjoon convinced you are isn't helpful. It is easier said than done, but how can someone who has the intention to divorce you would say something nice about you? He did that on purpose, Jin.

And to answer your question, why would I? Right now, there are only two things that scare me the most. Scaring you away and losing you."

•••

AN:

Sorry I'm late.
So sleepy. 🥱🥱
How many of you have seen YTC in Cinemas?
I hope you're all having a good day. I can feel something very good coming for the boys. Let's stay positive always.
Borahae!

Love, i