CAPTUS || JinKook

30. Eyes

After taking a shower, Jin leaned against the bathroom wall before answering Jimin's call. As soon as he had his alone time, he checked his phone and saw several messages from Jimin and as soon as he replied, Jimin called.

"What happened?" Jimin inquired.

"Good morning, Jimin," Jin responded, trying to keep his voice as low as possible.

"Sorry. Good morning. It seems like you have a good morning. Or is it? I heard from Yoongi that you saw Hoseok and Namjoon."

"The news spread faster than I thought. Or you were aware that they were coming?" Jin pouted. He knew his friend well and he wouldn't be surprised if Jimin would plot something unusual for him.

"I was Jungkook's assistant for several years. As a trainee and as his assistant. I've been seeing Namjoon a lot with his assistant at conventions and events like that. But I am not aware of Hoseok's presence last night though I am not surprised. So tell me, did you confront him?"

Jin squinted his eyes as Jimin's tone was like a very knowing one. "You are not surprised? Are you aware that Namjoon and Hoseok are in a relationship?"

It took a while before Jimin was able to answer. "The reason why I went to his shop was to ask if it was true. Because I want to hear it straight from him and not from anybody else. Look, Jin, I'm sorry. I intended to keep it until I proved it is true. And I know it's not right to tell you that I don't want to hurt your feelings by not saying what I know. Let's be real because I already hurt you by keeping it from you. But I was so scared for you and so angry at him. I'm sorry. You've been through a lot."

Jin sighed before sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Though Jimin was right, that wasn't his opinion. "I preferred you not telling me. Honestly speaking, whether you told me or not, it wouldn't change a thing. It's better that I discovered it myself than hearing it from you. Because I'm sure I would still try hard to find the truth.

It just hurts me because I treated Hoseok as a friend. It shocked me that he could look me in the eye and act as if he cared. Maybe he was laughing at how stupid I was in believing him. Seeing Namjoon last night and discovering they are together, I suddenly forgot that I used to love him. I realized that I was so stupid for loving him. And how long have I been foolish?

And to answer you, I did not confront him. But he tried to talk to me. I was thankful that Jungkook made me feel at ease the whole time. Let's talk about it again on Monday. We need to go early today."

Even though disappointed that he needed to wait until Monday to hear the whole story, Jin's last words interested Jimin more than anything. "We?"

"Jungkook stayed for the night."

Jin could picture Jimin's face just hearing how Jimin shrieked.

"So, something happened this time? You're calling him Jungkook now."

"Why are you so invested in knowing if we had sex or not? We did not, okay? And even if we do, I wouldn't tell you. Besides, I don't think he's interested."

Jimin scoffed from the other line. "Oh come on! With how handsome you look, it's impossible that he's not interested."

A long silence followed. And as if Jimin heard a bell, he knew exactly what was going on in Jin's head.

"Oh, Jin! Please! Let's not go there!"

Jin smiled weakly as he started to play with the hemline of his shirt. His eyes glued on his fingers. "Maybe... Well... Maybe he didn't find me attractive."

"Like what I was thinking you'd think. You are attractive! You think someone like Jungkook will go head over hills over you if you're not?"

Jin bit his lips as another lump formed in his throat. He knew he felt awkward around Jungkook and perhaps it always turned Jungkook off. Or maybe, there was something in him that wasn't attractive. "Maybe he just pities me--"

"Jin, no. He likes you. You know that."

"Namjoon chose someone over me because--"

"Because he's a douchebag! Please, Jin. Stop comparing yourself to that snake and Jungkook to an asshole. If you only knew what Jungkook is doing for you, you'll understand."

Jin closes his eyes, forcing himself to believe that there was 'something else'. "What else did he do? It seems you knew a lot of things. How did Yoongi know that Namjoon and Hoseok are together?"

Jin heard a faint squabble from the other line before Jimin was able to respond. "It's not Yoongi. And I am not sure if I am the right person to tell you."

"You're my best friend. What do you mean you're not the right person? And if it's not Yoongi, who?"

"Jungkook."

The line was cut right after Jimin admitted the culprit making Jin stare at his phone, confused and shocked. Instead of dwelling over things that Jimin could not readily admit because he knew he would know the truth eventually, Jin's attention was diverted to their much earlier topic. He stood up and walked towards the mirror in front of the sink.

Jin stared at his nakedness as he inspects every part of his body. Looking for a flaw that could cause Jungkook to lose interest. He stood on a tip-toe, leaning closer to the mirror as he carefully examined his face before whispering, "Maybe because I look old and tired."

Jungkook

We left early the following day as planned. My arm felt stiff as Jin fell asleep in my embrace, but honestly, I didn't care. He told me that was the first time he had slept well in almost a year. I didn't mind my arm getting stiff each night as long as Jin could get his much-needed shut-eye.

As we passed by the park, we were talking about last night. I could catch a glimpse of his sad eyes. I didn't know how special the park was to him, but certainly, he had lots of memories there just by the way his eyes lingered on it.

Last night, we talked about his upcoming session with a therapist. He confessed that he wanted to see one badly when he was still married whenever he felt alone, but he was hesitant as he wasn't allowed to go out aside that he wasn't financially capable as Namjoon consistently monitored his expenses. At the same time, he didn't want to create a wrong impression on his then-husband.

He was sorry for speaking about his intentions and for being honest, and it broke my heart every time he needed to apologize. I knew that apologizing was his form of defense and I could see how his eyes fluttered trying to protect himself so as not to create a negative impression on others.

Jin was damaged emotionally. He was so delicate. Vulnerable. He lost his self-esteem and he ended up blaming only himself for a failed marriage. He was scared of how others see him. Even with how many times I tried to appease him, I could see the hesitations in his eyes. It broke my heart to see him like that. And I knew, seeing a professional would somehow gain back his self-love, faith in love, and trust in others.

"There's a large cherry blossom tree in that park where I used to sit and wait. That was a bittersweet memory." His voice was laced with sadness. It was evident in how he spoke each word.

I took a glance at him. Even though his eyes were fixed outside, I knew I had to say what was in my heart. "Don't worry, we can create new and happy memories from now on."

Jin shifted his eyes to me as a gave him a reassuring smile. His smile might be small, but his eyes were saying something more. Somehow, I knew my words made him hopeful. And perhaps, happy.

•••

AN

This should be longer but I decided to continue in two parts. So see you in the next chapter. Hopefully this weekend.

Agust D will go on tour. Let's claim that we will be one of the lucky ones who can watch his concert soon.

Love, i