Beyond Logic

V. The Man on the Other End of the Line

  The day went by slowly than Alexandra would have wanted. Despite the flat tire and the exchange she and Sebastian had at the parking lot, she managed to attend Dublin's class even if she was fifteen minutes late. She knew Sebastian walked in a few minutes after she came in because she could feel his gaze burning at the back of her neck. She knew exactly what his deal is. He wasn't the first person to act like that around her and just like the rest of them she knew exactly what to do to keep him at bay.

What she had told him at the parking lot might make her appear cold-hearted but she wasn't one to sugar coat things. She'd rather tell him upfront that she's not one to reciprocate whatever his feelings or intentions may be than let him pine for something that wouldn't happen. Not when she's got nothing to offer but the broken pieces of her that she's still trying to rebuild for the last four years.

As soon as her classes were over she rushed through the parking lot and sped back to her apartment. Never mind her friends that were waiting for her or the assignments that she needs to finish or the readings that needs to be read, when she needs to get away, there's no way in hell that everyone could stop her.

Once she got back to her apartment, she dropped her bag on the floor and hurried into her bedroom. Her hands were shaking as she rummages through her dresser and once she felt a plastic container she hold on to it as if her life depended on it. She read the label just to make sure it was the right one.

Ativan (lorazepam)

She took out the two remaining pills and wait for its effect to kick in. She was sitting on the floor hugging her knees to keep herself from shaking. She wait for the anxiety meds to do their work, to numb the pain, to make her magically forget even just for a few hours that she's still facing the same demons.

Changing her car tire reminded her of Uncle Carlos and that painful night. He might just be her parents' employee but he was also the man who saved her life and in return, she deprived his daughter the chance to grow up with a father. Alexandra would always be reminded of that night after the funeral when she came to see Fiona and the look in her eyes – the darkness that masked her used to be bright blue eyes that looked up to her for approval. That pang of anger that cut her deep to her core when she told her, you're the reason why my father died.

That pair of blue eyes would haunt her for life and no amount of anti-anxiety medication or antidepressant would make her forget that. Not when there is a walking reminder of those deep dark blue eyes. She could never risk feeling something for him or anyone for that matter. Not when she learned a long time ago that the farther away and detached she is to everyone, the safer they will be.

It was past ten o'clock when she heard the phone ringing – not her regular phone that she uses everyday but "the phone" she uses to contact her dad, her brother Julian, Xianna, Xavier, and their parents.

Growing up, it has always been the four of them – Alexandra, Julian, Xianna, and Xavier. Not only that Xavier and Xianna's father is Alexandra's father's lawyer but he is also the man's best friend since childhood. The four of them grew up together and were always taught to love each other like family. Xianna and Julian were born on the same year and two years after, Xavier came along and almost two years later, Alexandra became the youngest. Ever since they were kids, everyone was overly protective of Alexandra and they all function as a unit.