Beyond Logic

XXII. Effortless Wing Man

As much as Xavier would want to pretend that the last few days didn't happen, he couldn't erase the memory of how Alexandra's lips taste like. It was as sweet as he imagined it to be – sweeter even. He would want that to be his last memory on his deathbed. He waited for a long time to confess how exactly he felt about her – he imagined it to be a lot more romantic than how he did it but at that moment, when they were sitting at her living room floor, with a tub of ice cream in their hands, not only did it felt right, it was perfect.

What he wasn't prepared for was the moment after – after she kissed him back and walked away. He looked into her eyes with all the hope and all the love he has for her but in a split second, he saw the fear in her eyes and the weight of his actions. He tried talking to her but she immediately dismissed any further discussion and asked him for some space and time to think.

He hasn't seen her since that night and it took him a lot of self-control not to call her and march back to her apartment to try to talk to her. Yet he knew that she would call him back when she's ready and if he managed to wait for seventeen years, he wouldn't mind waiting for a little longer.

He was nursing his beer at the bar close to the hotel he's staying when a figure sat beside him. He looked up and found a familiar face. It was Brianna.

"We really gotta stop meeting like this." Brianna said as she smiled at him.

"And yet here we are." Xavier answered as he waved at the bartender, "please get the lady a drink and put it in my tab, thanks."

"Thanks," Brianna said once she received her drink, "So, what's wrong with you?"

Perhaps it was because he already had three bottles of beer and a few shots of tequila that made him opened up, perhaps it was his desperation to talk to someone that made him tell Brianna exactly what has been bothering him.

"I kissed her." He said.

"Well shit!" Brianna said, sounding surprised, "Shouldn't you be celebrating then?"

Xavier didn't say a word and instead just stared back at Brianna.

"Fuck, man!" Brianna said, exasperatedly, "can't even catch a fucking break, can we?"

Despite his current predicament Xavier couldn't help but smile, "Do you always talk like that?"

"Like what?" Brianna asked looking confused.

"You swear a lot which kind of unexpected for a girl like you."

Brianna looked pissed all of a sudden, "what the fuck does that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, you're a beautiful and well-educated woman, yet you speak with such angst and vulgarity." Xavier tried to explain the best way that he could without offending Brianna.

"Well, I'm sorry if I refuse to be put in a fucking box and be labelled with that," Brianna said looking at him as if she was shooting daggers, "I am who I am and if people can't deal with that it's their fucking problem, not mine. Besides, I'd rather be who I am than pretend as someone that I am not. I'm not really into that feminine and lady-like bullshit. I know a lot of men who speak way more vulgar than I do and they never get judged for it and because I am a girl I am not allowed to speak however the fuck I want? Fuck that shit and fuck those double standards."

Xavier just stared at her as if he was lost for words, "I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

Brianna seemed to calm down after her rant, "it's okay, it just bothers me sometimes and sorry about my rant."