Warrior underestimated

aint happing

One time my brother suggested that I make dolls for a living I was thinking of that are always the only reason why I was on this planet but I didn't think that I was going to be taking courses for a social worker at the time so I didn't thanks very much and agreed to make dolls.   Are we always a good hand because of my birth father or is it I like to call an idiot number two my birth mother idiot number one. And you're gonna know why later because of what happened to me as a baby they left me abandoned because my mother was raped and then I got more or less abused in an orphanage for two years of my fucking life before being adopted so yes I was not a very happy person with my birth parents my birth Varsha protector my mother and my mother shut up protecting me the idiots I mean idiots one and idiots to. But that's gonna be another chapter. I ended up thinking because I was having idiot choose version of skills which is artistic and hand skills to maybe make a living off that I am very good with my hands usually so I thought well why the hell not I create my own tattoos anyway so I will try to make a doll even though I was afraid of fucking it up. I didn't like the audio fucking up a doll meeting screwing up the dolls face and stuff so I was very hesitant to begin with just one thing to make a tattoo for yourself or for someone else to enjoy on their skin for the rest of their life was another thing to screw up a $500 dolls face. I was not very happy about that so I didn't think very much of it.
He saw that I had a hand and let's say doll making when I was a kid in this would've been a warning signs of trauma what is it I would dismember my own Barbie dolls And then try to make sceptre actual body parts to make a super doll but I was when I was a kid I don't remember very much after like except yelled at for destroying my dolls.
When I told my mother that I was going to make dolls for a living sheet thought this wasn't a good idea because I would just screw up the dolls face make up boys or freg up or break it or whatever I usually do with dolls.    I was the a person to begin with let's just put it that way I wasn't I I was more of an action figure girl and even out that if I try to paint one forget it I was not the type of person to make toys. I remember in the third grade I was told to make a Toy out of junk which was good and fun and I was able to show it off to the class my junkie toys and I dismembered  remembers again.   And trust me I had a Lotta junk so I had the biggest project to do the glue gun was always being used for that particular project I remember the kids always the other kids I mean complaining that I was hogging up the glue gun for this particular school project. But it was well worth it was a masterpiece I can't remember what it looked like but it was very interesting by no means.
And I also remember yelling at the big dipper when I was in the eighth grade wondering what the fuck I should do with my life still thinking I should do art but I was in the eighth grade. I didn't want to do art for the rest of my life I want to there was some kind of purpose in my life to help with people and Carta help with other people. People like me who were traumatized and were more or less marginalized by society. That's when I found out like the big dipper I was meant to guide people I guess that's why I have an obsession with that constellation to begin with when my father taught me how to get find the Big Dipper.   And then of course he also taught me the planets and he taught me a little bit about DNA just enough to wet my imagination I remember when I was four years old at the time before I want to school all the school teachers from kindergarten to grade 8 had a hell of a time with me because I said oh I know what that is not interrupt the class with my knowledge about the big dipper the planet or DNA or whatever crapped in my head. So I was never really liked by the teachers. It wasn't until I was 21 years old and I found out I had an IQ of 196 one of the highest IQs. But I never told very many people that I had a very high IQ super high IQ because of my because people can be very judge mental and say no you don't have it doesn't happen that often and that kind of shit and I despise those kind of people. So I don't believe in judging people about certain things and saying oh you're crazy you're not that smart blah blah blah are you haven't seen siren head or something to those are facts. I'll tell you more about siren head and another story but right now this is just basically why I don't want to do dolls because I want to collect knowledge and me getting certificates and certification so I can actually get an actual job one day that actually involves helping people. These are things that I find that are important because I remember in the seventh grade my mother blasted my eardrum saying that I had to give back the story was is my father trying to teach me to cook in the morning which with my father usually was a disaster except with astronomy or science.  I ended walking to my best friend's house at the Tom Karen BMV Karen Bambi's house was way across the fuck around town. And Karen BMV was not happy to see me she was afraid that I was going to get taken by a predator or that I was going to get killed somehow by accident or otherwise and I actually called my mother before I got home with a fucking cell phone I remember. That's why my mother said let's have a chat and then she yelled at me saying you better get back to the world you scared the shit out of me. That's when I decided I was going to give it back to the world in the hell with art. And I told my brother that the other day I cannot dude dolls because I'm afraid I'm gonna fuck up completely and fuck it up royally. I know my language is a little bit foul but you have to get used to it in this work because I am very authentic an earthy. You will find that very quickly.  
So to make dogs or not to make dogs that is the question the answer is forget it.