to die for [jsy + f!reader]

ix : last wish

There, right before my eyes, in real flesh and blood, was my friend, Seo Soojin.

Hanging lifeless from the ceiling fan.

I witnessed the world as I knew it shatter in front of me. For a while, both of us didn't dare say a word. I actually have no idea how much time we spent just... staring. The cold corpse of my friend— my friend, that, just a few days ago, was living, breathing and speaking, hung, devoid of being or feeling before me. Her complexion was a pale blue, blood trickling from the tight noose around her neck that had killed her, onto the kicked over chair that her feet dangled over, onto the ground.

"But.. she was just.. she was alive... she was alive.. she.." I muttered out, as I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from sobbing. "I don't... I don't understand... Soojin... why?" I choked out, raising a shaky hand to cover my mouth to muffle the inevitable cries that would soon no longer be able to stay contained. Until then, both of us were too shocked to notice the note sitting next to the flipped over chair that I could only assume she had kicked out from under in her struggle to commit this vile act.

"Look..." I mumbled, bringing my other hand to point at the piece of paper torn from Soojin's notebook, sitting peacefully on the ground. For the first time since we opened the door, Soyeon moved forward, sitting on the floor next to the note and picking it up. She began to read it aloud to me.

"To whomever finds this note first,

I'm sorry you had to discover me like this. After Shuhua's death, I lost my mind. I couldn't go on. My last few days have been filled with nothing but guilt, regret, and agony.

To [Y/N], I'm sorry for what I said about you at Shuhua's memorial. That was wrong of me. It was unforgivable and I feel horrible. All I wanted was to see Shuhua one more time and to know who murdered her, more than anything else. After you left, Principal Han expelled me from university. To me, I had nothing left. I lost you, Shuhua, university and my entire life crumbled. I couldn't bring myself to show my face around you, my family or this school again. I am ashamed of what I've done. I know it's selfish of me to leave this world while you're still grieving over Shuhua, and I'm sorry to say this, but I can't bring myself to care. I just want this to be over.

There's something I wanted to tell you in person not in the form of a suicide note, but have been forced to write here instead. I was in love with Shuhua up until her death. I'm sorry for keeping this from everyone. I wanted to tell you sooner, but couldn't because I was scared of losing both of you as a result. Shuhua was never unfaithful, and I didn't want her to be. But I always loved her. When I found out how horrible she had been to you, that alone was almost enough for me to do it. I felt like the woman I had loved secretly for years was just a lie. I adored everything about her, just like she did you back then in the beginning.

I gave the gun to Soyeon because I didn't trust myself with it. Looking at it or even knowing it was in the room with me made me want to blow my brains out. I thought giving it to her would keep me alive, but the urge just got stronger. So, now I'm here.

There is nothing left for me. But please, I need you to keep Minnie company. You, too, Soyeon. You three are the only ones I trust. Please eat well and take care of yourselves. Don't waste time grieving over me.

If you're still asking why, there isn't a world that I can exist in that doesn't involve my and everyone else's suffering. I just want nothing more than to disappear from here. Please, respect this and let me rest in peace. Remember me not for who I became, but for who I was before. This is my last wish.

I'll be waiting for you all on other side.

I'm sorry, and I love you. All of you. Forever.