Final Farewell

23

"I love you, Haloiena."

After hearing those words, I stood frozen right before his eyes. I can't move. I was stunned. He loves me. Pero... no ang gulo. Hindi ko pa kaya. I didn't answer him, I just stared at him.

He flashed me a mysterious smile.

"Is this too fast, Halo?" He asked and I nodded. Feeling mute was a great way to deal with this situation.

I love him, gods I love him so much but I can't handle this. Not now, not yet.

"Then we'll take it slow."

He pulled me closer and hugged me tighter, causing a smile to form my lips. I never felt this... light with him. It was so foreign.

"Do you want to go home?" He quietly said.

"Yes."

As he walked me to my house, after his long and heartwarming speech. He kissed my cheek and bidded me goodbye.

My mind was still deciphering the things that happened this day.

Then I remembered, Mom was at the hospital. But stress and tiredness took over my body in an instant. I climbed up the stairs as fast as I could. Shutting the door behind me. The cold and breezy air flew by, letting the leaves fall off their branches. I proceeded to bed after taking a short bath. I needed to get away for a while. Sleep was such a great escape.

I closed my eyes.

*   *   *

I dreamt of a beautiful place, white was dominant among all the other colors. It was pure white. The trees were covered in snow, the houses were painted in white hues. The sky was a shade of the lightest blue and the clouds were fluffy and cotton like. There were white roses everywhere, their petals were glittering and shining so majestically.

A lake was spotted at the center of this enchanted place. The water was cystalike and was like glass. You could see your reflection through the water so clearly as if it was a mirror. I saw myself, standing there. With a crown made up of white roses. And I wore a dress that ended right above my knees and hugged my curves so perfectly. The fabric was soft as cotton and it glowed brightly. I looked at my face and it was filled with peace. I never looked peacefully even when I slept but as I glanced at the mirror like lake, I was at peace.

I smiled at my reflection.

This is good to be true. I know that I'm dreaming and I am envisioning my own paradise. Way to keep my hopes up.

Perhaps this is the after life.

But I know I'm not yet dead, my duedate is still 3 months ahead. Even though I risked my life on the line today.

But this, this place looks so serene.

I want this. No, I need this.

*   *   *

But then every dream must come to an end, eventually we shall wake up and it will disperse right in front of our very eyes. And somehow, you'll never remember what you've dreamt of. That always happens to me, but perhaps for some, they can still remember.

I woke up with a headache and I felt dizzy all of a sudden. I should really eat. I haven't eaten for two days I guess.

I walked towards the kitchen to find some food but it was empty. My stomach was rumbling so bad and I needed to head to the hospital immediately. Mom was there, Kuya was watching her. The events of yesterday continue to linger inside my head.

Hindi na lang ako kumain, bahala na. Kaya ko pa 'tong tiisin. Dahan dahan akong umalis ng bahah at nilock ang pintuan. Nahihilo hilo na ako habang lumalakad. I don't think this is a good sign.

Nang malapit na ako sa park ay umupo muba akp sa semento habang hawak hawak ko ang aking ulo. Ang sakit na talaga. Kumakalam pa ang aking sikmura. Lumingon lingon ako para tignan kung may tao ba sa akong paligid, pero wala. Dahil masyado pang maaga.

Nang tumayo ako ulit, nararamdaman kp na angvpag ikot ng ating mundo. Nahihilo ako. Sobrang pagod at stress. And add depression up. Hindi ko na kaya. Hindi ko na kakayanin.

And then the next thing that happened, I fainted to the grown with no one there to catch me. And I faded into the blackness of the surroundings beside me. The sound of nature started to lessen and I couldn't hear it anymore. I fell into a dark oblivion.