Final Farewell

6

And then here comes my wonderful and sweet mother. Note the sarcasm. She was never there for me as I grew up. Oo malaki ang pasasalamat ko kay Kuya, he serve as the father I never had. But there's still something inside me that craves for my mother.

She wasn't there when I had my first period. She never braided my hair. She wasn't there to cheer me on during my painting events. And she didn't attend any of my graduations.

Lagi siyang missing in action. Umuuwi lang siya ng kaunti para magpahinga then aalis na siya. To go party or a photoshoot. Lagi niyang dala ang camera niya. Nakasabit lang ito sa leeg niya.

She was a great and professional photographer. Well known rin ang clothing line niya sa ibang bansa. While si Daddy ay isang sikat na business man sa New York at maraming branches dito sa Pilipinas.

My Mom was never there to show her support.

Hindi siya ang nagturo sa akin kung paano maglakad at magsalita. My grandmother was the one who did it reluctantly out of pity. At the age of 2 I knew what hate was.

My mother always looked at me with hatred instead of love.

Gaya nga ng sabi ni Papa na ako ang malas sa pamilya namin. I am a worthless little piece of shit. Ako ang dahilan kung bakit naging ganito ang pamilya namin. I was a disgrace. Born out of hatred and vengeance. Not out of love.

I was the one who let them suffered pero hindi nila alam na ako ang pinaka nahihirapan ng sobra sobra.

They were never there to support my excellence, they weren't there when I started my own art exhibit, they weren't there when I graduated with high honors, they weren't there to show me their love.

Instead they were there in my darkest days, my weakest points of life, they didn't help me mend my heart together again but they broke it into million more pieces by spatting hurtful words at me. They were pulling me down and belittling me.

They said that I wouldn't be successful because I'm a hindrance, a fucking disgrace.

They weren't proud of me. They were ashamed of me.
They didn't even love me but they despised me to the pits of hell.

As I slowly remember everything I've been through while sitting on the edge of this cliff, tears were running down my faces and it began raining again. I didn't mind getting wet.

The rain somehow calmed me down.

Tears were replaced by raindrops.

How ironic that the sky is crying with me again, implementing that I was not alone in this war. That I still have someone out there who would fight for me.

But I couldn't feel anyone, there weren't many people who knew my story. 

Nobody was there to share my pain and lost. No one was there to serve as my shoulder to cry on when I desire to pour out all my emotions.

I had nobody.