Final Farewell

21

"I'm adopted?"

I somehow manage to choke those words out. I wad flabbergasted. Stunned and shocked. So basically whole life was a fucking lie? All this time I never knew.

Maybe I just didn't notice it. Our resemblance was pretty rough. Hindi ko kamukha sina Mom and Dad. Ang layo ng itsura nila sa akin. Pero hindi ko yun pinansin. Pero ngayon, wow. What a slap in the face.

"Halo." Kuya Ex said while his eyed were starting to water.

"No! Answer me. Fuck it." Sinipa ko yung coat hanger sa gilid. I was damn angry. So angry!

"Language, Haloiena." Mom said.

Tumawa ako ng napakalakas.

"Don't fucking tell me what to do. Bakit niyo hindi sinabi sa akin na ampon ako?! Tangina naman oh! I had every fucking right to know!"

Then I was shocked with what happened next.

My Dad slapped me. Napaupo ako sa sahig dahil sa lakas ng impact ng pagka sanpal niya sa akin.

"James!" Sigaw ni Mommy.

"You disrespectful little brat, wala ka bang untang na loob! All these years pinalaki ka namin tapos ito ang isusukli mo sa amin? How dare you?!"

I looked at my so called father incredulously. And laughed so damn hard and loud. In my whole existence, ngayon lang ako tumawa ng ganito. Tumayo ako at hinarap ang lalaking kinikilala kong ama.

I resisted the urge to knee him were the sun won't shine anymore or punch him straight in the face. I am not him. And I will never be him.

Mom looked at me with wide eyes and Kuya Ex was at my back.

"Utang na loob? Putanginang utang na loob!! You abused me. You're an asshile of a Father. You punched me when I was five. You abondoned us! You made my life hell. Mas gusto ko na lang mamatay kaysa makasama ka. You faggot of a bastard. Sinira mo ang buhay ko tapos sisitahin mo ako sa utang loob?! How dare you. And don't you dare punch me again or I'm contacting the police. I have lots of witnesses and I'm not afraid of you anymore. Two can play at this fucking game."

He was shellshocked. Nanlumo ang kanyang mata na parang nakakita siya ng isang multo. Siya na ngayon ang napaupo sa sahig. He was pale.

"Hail," Kuya Ex said while drapping his hand around my shoulder.

"Kalma lang." He continued.

"Don't tell me to calm down Kuya, I'm already calm!" Sigaw ko habang nanginginig ang aking boses at gusto ko nang umiyak sa kanilang harapan pero pinigilan ko ito.

"I dare you, then. Call the police." He said bravely.

"James!!!" Mom shouted loudly. I can feel that there was a croud gathering around our porch. They even knocked twice to make sure that we're not killing each other.

"Call the police you little brat at ang bagsak mo ay bahay ampunan na. Come on call them! Pick up your phone and call them!"

Kinuha ko ang aking cellphone sa ikaliwang pocket ko. Nanginginig ang aking mga kamay. Bumuhos na ang mga luhang kanina ko pang pinipigilan.

"No, Halo. Don't listen to him!" Sabi ni Kuya.

"Ano ba, James!" Sigaw ni mama.

Sinuntok siya ni papa sa tiyan at ilang segundo lamang ay napsubsob siya sa sahig. Nawalan ng malay si Mommy.

"Dad!" Tumakbo si Kuya papunta kay Mom. "How can you hit your own wife, you're not just a bastard. You're a demon!" Sinuntok ni Kuya si Dad. Pero tumawa lang ang matanda.

"Is that all you've got?!" Hindi ko natuloy ang pagtawag sa police dahil dumiretso si Dad sa kinatatayuan ko.

Kwinelyuhan niya ako.

"Listen here you bitch, ilang taon kitang kinupkop. You don't know who you're messing with. Sa tingin mo takot ako sa 'yo? Ha. You're just a little brat buti nga at namatay na mga magulang mo. Wala kang kwenta."

Tinapin niya ako sa gilid at binuksan ang pintuan. Then his hands went up quickly.

The police are here.

*   *   *

May ambulansyang dumating pagkatapos nilang iposas si James. I won't call him Dad. He doesn't deserve it. He deserves to be in jail. He was a heartless and cruel bastard of a man. He was a monster disguise as a human being.

Dinala na nila si Mom sa hospital. Kasama nila si Kuya Exian. Hindi ako sumama dahil kailangan kong mapag-isa. Bukas ko pa sila bibisitahin.

After that drama, I went straight to the cliff. Umupo ako sa edge. I am not afraid of falling, the sooner the better. Papalubog na ang araw and it has been one heck of a day. Hindi ko inakalang ganito ang mangyayari.

Somehow I felt that a thorn was pluck out of my heart.

My parents are already dead.

Ang daming tanong na bumabagabag sa aking isipan. Bakit nila ako iniwan sa kamay ng isang halimaw? Hindi ba nila ako minahal? Did they despise me? Why did they die?

Hindi ko mapigilan ang pag iyak. Humagulgol ako ng parang bata. Malamig ang simoy ng hangin ngayon, mabuti na lang at naka cardigan ako.

Ang gulo ng buhay ko.

Why?

I don't know.

Ayaw ko pang bumalik sa bahay. Ayaw ko pang tandaan ang mga nangyari ngayon. Hindi ko na kaya. I am so tired. I want to give up.

There are only 4 months left, pero hindi ko na kaya. Pagod na pagod na ako.

Dahan dahan akong tumayo at lumingon sa paligid. Wala namang tao.

I can't deal with this anymore. Depression is eating me up alive.

I closed my eyes.

As I start counting inside my head. I counted up to 3, on the 10th count I'll jump. I feel that this is the right time

1

My life has been hell since the beginning of my existence. Ang daming nangyari sa 18 years na nabuhay ako. Great and bad memories were all I have left. Maybe ito lang angmananatili sa akin. Ito lang ang tanging natira sa buhay ko. I want to keep these memlries kahit 95% nito ay puro masasakit. I am immine to the pain. I can hurt a little more. It's fine.

2

Wala naman sigurong makakamiss sa akin? Diba? I'm worthless, I'm nothing. I am alone. To the family I've known, somehow I'm grateful that I have a family. But they broke me. Nobody ever loved me and they didn't know that U needed someone to hold on to. Half of my life was ruined and shattered and now I'm ready as I'll ever be.

3

I guess, this is it...

But before I could jump, someone screamed my name so loudly. I tried to steady my balance. Wrong timing naman oh. Nandoon na yun, tatalon na ako. May eepal pa talaga.

My eyes fluttered open. My vision was quite a blur but I managed to see a silhoutte of a person, a guy. He ran towards me so quickly. Hinila niya ako papalayo sa cliff at napsubsob ako sa kanyang dibdib.

My heart was pounding inside my chest and my breathing was uneven.

Why is he here?!

"Don't you ever dare do that again. I almost died from a heart attack. Do you here me Halo?! Don't do that! I can't live without you."

Danger.