Final Farewell

20

Ang aking mahabang buhok na umaalon hanggang sa aking hita ay pinaputol ko hanggang sa balikat. I didn't regret it.

During the weekend, after my shift I decided to cut my hair. My boss also insisted it dahil sobrang haba na raw. Ililibre niya pa sana ako. Since she doesn't have any children, she treated me like her own. And I'm grateful. But I declined her offer. She's already nice to me and I don't want to abuse it.

Nang nakarating ako sa salon ay hindi ako tumitingin sa mga salaming nakatayo roon. Instead I kept my gaze to my feet.

I just told the hairstylist to cut it short and dye it in a darker color. And I was amazed. Nag iba ang aking itsura. I really doubt that it was me.

Because somehow the loneliness and pain in my eyes disappeared in a second flick but was back again when I remembered that I needed to head home.

After I paid, I walked alone quietly. I wasn't afraid of what might happen. I learned self defense when I was younger, and my father amd brother's punches where enough to teach me. And I had pepperspray inside my pocket.

I had my hands inside my pockets. It was still cold and the street lights were already on.

I decided to head by the park. But I regret it instantly.

I saw Danger and a little boy by the swing set. They really look alike. Maybe this was his little brother. The one his mom gave birth to before we left. He was smiling while pushing his brother on the swing higher and it made my heart ache.

But before I could turn around he caught a glimpse of me.

I still felt cautious and concious around him. These crused feelings still didn't left. Nakakainis dahil ilang taon na ang lumipas pero naririto pa rin ang mga nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Mas umaapaw pa ito kaysa sa galit at hinanakit ko.

And it was not a good sign.

He smiled at me, there was this mysterious glimpse in his eyes that glittered like the city lights.

He seemed happy. And yet I was sad.

Lumapit siya sa akin, his brother's hand in tow. He was grinning. His brother seemed shy. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko, kung aalis ba ako at iiwan sila o kakausapin ang magkapatid. The former one seemed rude. So I decided to stay for just a little while.

His brother was the one who spoke up when he was close to me. Niyakap niya muna ako, isang mahigpit na yakap that wanted to make me cry. It was a reassuring kind of hug, the one that tells you that there's still hope for yourself. That you are not and never alone. And I just wanted to weep. Sometimes a hug can be enough. Enough for a person to be fine.

Ngiting-ngiti pa rin si Dane ng lumapit siya sa aming dalawa. He was contented by the look on his face that I was stunned by his brother's actions. He knew that I wouldn't mind becaude I love kids.

"Hi little guy," I said as I bend down so that we were the same height.

"Are you ate Halo?" His eyes were curious and happy as I nodded.

"Kuya told me a lot about you! You are much more beautiful in person! No wonder—" Hindi niya natapos ang kanyang sasabihin nung tumikhim si Dane. I looked up at him and he was flushed in deep red. I had to resist the urge to smile.

"Well, I hope those were good ones," I said while laughing. "What's your name littler guy?"

"Name is Jeo." He smiled and had a tooth missing in front. I had to laugh at his cuteness as I ruffled his hair. He was so oblivious and innocent. And somehow I wished that I was once like this. And it pained me.

"Well, Jeo, it was nice to meet you but ate Halo needs to go home na. It's getting dark already." I smiled at the little guy. While I could feel Danger staring at the back of my head.

"We could walk you home ate. It's not safe na."

"It's okay I can go home on my own. I'm a big girl na." I said while hugging him.

"Mag ingat ka ate. I really want to play with you!" He cheered.

"We'll play, when we meet again. Goodbye for now Jeo." I said

He kissed my cheek, "Bye, ate Halo." He ran towards the slide and left me alone with Danger. It was getting awkward after every second that passed by.

"I need to—" I was cut off by him.

"Nice haircut, suits you perfectly. Mas nagiging maganda ka."

I blushed.

But there was something in his eyes that said otherwise, he seemed to know something and I tensed. He was suspicious. Of course. Ang tanga ko. Siya mismo ang may alam na hinding hindi ko puputulin ang buhok ko ng ganito kaiksi unless the circumstances. 2 taon ko rin pinahaba ang aking buhok at nakakahinayang yun. And he suspects something.

Something that I might do.

"Thanks." I muttered.

Once again, ilang beses niya na akong nginitian. He was tired, I can see that but he was somehow happy.

"Una na ako." Sabi ko.

"We could walk you home, it would be much safer."

"No, its okay." I said and waved goodbye.

Parang kanina lang na ayaw ko siyang kausapin but those memories that I thought were buried deep down kept on distracting me. And he was one of those many memories I had. Close to my heart. It was hard to trust him again, after what happened between the both of us last year. It was one of the reasoms why my walls were built higher than before.

At hinding hindi ko makakalimutan yung ginawa niya. Yes I can forgive him, but perhaps matagal pa. The scar he gave me is still fresh.

As I approach the steps to our door I could hear people screaming at each other.

Kuya Exian and Dad.

Hindi muna ako pumasok sa loob. It seems that they're having a fight. And Mom was inside too becayse her car is parked by the streets.

"Nagsinungaling ka! Ilang taon na pero bakit hindi mo sinasabi?! Bakit hindi niyo sinabi?!" Kuya Exian's voice.

"Because you aren't ready!" Dad screamed back.

Mas lalo kong inilapit ang tainga ko sa pintuan. What were they fighting about. Hindi na 'to bago sa akin dahil halos araw araw gusto nilang magpatayan. Kaya sanay na ako. I could hear a woman's cry inside. Must be Mom's

"But she has every right to know!" Sigaw ni Kuya pabalik.

"Ginagawa ko ito para sa inyo! Para sa kabutihan niyo! Bakit hindi mo maintindihan Xian? This is for the best!"

"But, Dad!!! Kailan mo pa sasabihin kay Halo ang totoo? Na buong pagkatao niya ay isang kasinungalingan?!" Then I freeze. It's about me.

"I had no fucking choice!" May parang nabasag sa loob.

"You didn't have the right to torture her! To torment her! You abused her! For goddamn you asshole you hurt her!" Exian screamed louder causing some neighbors to look at my direction.

"Oh don't be such a hypocrite. Akala mo hindi ko malalaman na nasuntok mo rin ang hampaslupang babaeng yan noon? We all had a say to that. We all hurt her." Namutla na ako sa kinakatayuan ko. Hindi ako makagalaw.

"Don't tell me shit that I don't already know! I fucking regretted it from this very day you faggot! I love my sister! You have no heart at all. You are a monster!" Kuya Exian spat those words harshly.

"When will you tell her?" I had Mom say.

"I don't need to tell her that she's adopted. I won't and never will."

"She has the right to know, Dad!"

And then hell broke lose.

Binuksan ko nang napakalakas ang pintuan. Startling them and made them stared horrified like they've seen a ghost.

I never felt this betrayed ever.

"I'm adopted?"