Final Farewell

24

Dahan dahan kong iminulat ang aking mga mata. I adjusted to the brightness around me that almost blinded my sight. The walls were all white. I was wearing a white shirt. I can't see anything so clearly yet. But there was only one question that stayed in my mind and was still left unanswered.

Am I dead?

That would be great... or would it really be?

Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong gawin. Dapat ba ako maging masaya dahil patay na ako? Kailangan bang magdiwang dahil nawala na ako sa mundong ito? Can this really happen? I know it can because dead is inevitable.

But there's this hole deep within my heart. That burns through my soul. And all I feel is sadness and deep regret. Regret for not living the life I wanted. And sadness for parting the world. Because somehow, once upon a time, where everything was a bliss, I was happy. And I missed that happiness.

I put a hand close to my heart. And I can feel the thumping rhythm of it. Going faster and quicker every second. And I confirmed one thing.

I am not yet dead.

I can see the world clearly now. I moved my hand. And I can feel someone holding it so tightly like they never want to let go of me. That they want me to stay—they needed me to stay.

And I could feel my eyes water up when I finally saw who was holding my hand. I started to blink the tears away.

Danger.

I felt a bizzare mix of emotions running through my veins. I can't decipher each one. Of happiness and sadness, of pain and regret, of anger and hatred and of love.

Its all just messed up.

And I don't know what to do anymore.

Can someone help me?

* * *

"You're finally awake."

He said in a breathless voice. He too was crying. It was the first time I saw him cry- cry for me.

He pulled me towards his chest and hugged me so tight. I couldn't help but cry. Why am I crying?

"Thank God, you're awake." He muttered.

"What happened?" My voice hoarse and eyes sore.

"You fainted, on the street. Mabuti na lang at walang masyadong sasakyan ang dumadaan. Papunta sana ako sa bahay niyo nang nakita kitang nakahalandusay sa sahig ng walang malay. Akala ko... Akala ko namatay ka na. Hindi ka kasi gumagalaw at humihinga. I panicked and picked you up from the ground. I contacted your brother already and he was in fits of fear. Hindi niya alam kung anong gagawin niya pag sumunod ka sa nanay niyo."

His voice was shaky, and he was trying so hard not to cry. Even though he wanted to let out all his frustrations. It's alright to cry I wanted to tell him but I couldn't, I just couldn't.

"Mom? Is she alright?"

Then he fell silent. What in freaking hell happened?

Biglang bumukas ang pintuan, revealing Kuya Ex. Halatang halata ang pagod at puyat sa kanyang mga mata. Nakakaawa na ang kanyang eyebags. His hair was messy but still in tact. Kahit haggard siya, nakaya niya pang ngumiti sa'kin.

"Hey baby sister." He said

Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit na mahigpit. Feeling kong mawawalan na ako ng hininga sa sobrang higpit ng kanyang pagkayakap and then I felt a sting of tears.

I remembered one thing,

I'm adopted.

All my life, was a lie. They weren't my parents. I don't know the whole story. I was in pain almost every day. Almost every single day of my whole existance I was in pain.

His smile faded when he looked up at my face.

"Si Mom, Kuya?" I asked him.

His face was unereadable. He was in shock and pain too. He couldn't mutter the exact words but I only caught some.

Loss, blood, dead. Mom.

Then the whole world crashed again then I don't know what to feel once more.

Mom died.