Final Farewell

9

Back to the present.

I was heading to Endulgence for my 5 pm shift during Mondays. I have no intention to stay in our house. That place was bloody hell. And I don't want to deal with every day drama.

As I entered the sweet shop, they were baking pastries and redecorating the inside.

Wala pang mastadong tao sa loob. Only a few.

Dumiretso na ako sa Cash register at umupo. This will be a long and cold afternoon once again.

I love my job here, nakakalibre pa nga ako sa pag kain dito. Dito lang ako kumakain. Hindi ako kumakain sa bahay.

When I was a kid, mataba ako. Sobrang taba ko for an average kid. I remember Kuya Exian teasing me about my weight, but those were the days.

Simula nung nagka watak watak na ang buhay ko. I had anorexia. Hindi ako kumakain. It was okay dahil wala rin namang pera pambili ng pagkain kaya nasanay na ako. Lunch lang ako kumakain pero crackers lang. I jog every morning kaya somehow pumayat ako ng husto. Until now I still have mild anorexia. May mga panahon talaga na ayaw kong kumain as in wala akong ganang kumain. At kapag kakain ako ng walang gana maaaring isusuka ko lang iyon ulit.

Kaya hindi ako kumakain.

I was so thin now. Nag iba na rin ang mukha ko. My hair before was waist length, straight and had a light brownish color. But simula nung nag 15 ako and due to the change of weather, naging dark brown ang hair color ko and pinaputol ko ito hanghang sa shoulders ko and when it started to grow again kumulot kulot na ang dulo. I love my natural hair and I am grateful for that.

But then my life was still a mess. Wala na akong pakialam sa itsura ko. I never looked at the mirror again since I was 15. Hindi na ako tumitingin sa salamin because it will reflect a girl with sadness evident in her eyes and lost without hope. And I don't want to see that girl before me.

I want to remember the little girl who painted her life with colorful crayons and with a smile plastered on her face. Hoping to go back to the past won't change anything.

Besides, my past and present life was quite the exact same thing. Same problems, same horrible life. No need to bother going back.