First Love's Secret

chapter 4

I know it will be a stressful week for me starting this busy Monday, and still disturbed with what had happened to me and drew last Saturday event. How will I ever make up to it? This will gonna affect my work but hopefully not my relationship with Jazz.

      My mind was too busy entertaining my unresolved problems, when Susie came at my desk and checked on me. "Carrie, thanks for the email, and I've already checked on the website you attached on with the email, this story will be big!" and there goes her excitement again.

      I went on with my life, I arranged schedules for Susie, and I countercheck and proofread her articles, continue with my paper works, and got my deliciously brewed coffee at the cafeteria. "So how is the coffee?" Simon interrupted me while heading back to our floor, I know he's gay but he keeps on denying it, too bad.

      "As always, great and classy" I beamed, then suddenly there was commotion the big boss has arrived. "Oh the devil who wears Prada has arrived" Simon blurted, and I just giggled what's with the big boss? I know I'm new and for 4 years of working in this magazine company, I've never met her.

      "Huh, more papers coming right up" Simon says and we went back on our post. Later on, Susie went rushing on me "Carrie! Carrie! In my office now" I did as ordered, what's with Susie and her overly unmanaged excitement. In her office, she looked stressed, "Susie, is everything's okay?" I asked, she looked at me with those worried eyes. "Susie I need your help." Oh ow, here comes more stress for me.

      I didn't expect Susie will give me this big break! She's been longing for this interview with a real estate CEO for long weeks, but she was scheduled by the big boss to have a conference meeting with the top journalist at Hong Kong for one whole week.

      The interview is this Friday at Shangri-La hotel 10am, and with all the briefing and fast paced orientation Susie made for me, I can't help but acquire the same unmanaged excitement my boss possessed. "I am very much sure you can do it Carrie, and I expect excellent reports and feedbacks from this interview." Susie said with all pride, I hope her pride is all worth it. "All you need to do is follow the corresponding questions and the interview will flow smoothly and stay confident" she assured me. Confidence? I think I still have 4 days to work on it.

      On Wednesday evening, my dearest friends surprised me at my unit, "Congratulations!" Kath shouted with glee. "Thank you, but the interview's still on Friday." I said and received a bouquet of roses, "this is too much." Kath bear hugged me, "but wait there's more" I narrowed my eyes at her, "hey love" my heart skipped a little, that familiar voice, Jazz! I leaped into his arms and we kissed, but a flashback went on my mind and I break away. "What's wrong loves?" Jazz got worried, "no, uhm...nothing's wrong honey" I assured Jazz then me and Kath's eyes met, this will gonna be a hard time for me.

      It was a night for four friends getting together, me with Jazz and Mr. and Mrs. Badji Rhie. "Who's up for another sparkle?" Jazz presented us another bottle of champagne. We all jumped with excitement, everything about this night was fun and great, I went at the veranda to catch some air then Kath followed me.

      "Don't tell me you feel guilty" Kath placed her hand on my shoulder and I hold it, "I did, Kath, I did" then we went silent again. "There's nothing wrong with that dear, it was just a—" I cut her off "thing, nothing so important about him." Kath was the bestest friend I've ever had and I'm happy she's here with me accompanying me with this problem, "You love Jazz I know it, and Jazz loves you more than ever, you still have the choice to have your own fairytale like love story with him. It's all about choice Kath."

      I looked at her, I now there's something bugging in her mind, is it their relationship as newlyweds? Or wait, is it the baby dresses and things she kept on checking last Sunday? "Is there something worrying you Kath?" I asked her.

      It was my very first time to see Kath at her lowest self ever, all her worries and sadness projects visibly in her eyes, and then she opened up, "I have difficulty bearing a child, Carrie." My heart crushed into pieces, I never though Kath went all through this alone and it was too late for me to know. "Kath" I hugged her with watery eyes, "I never...I mean how can this be possible?" Kath break away, "we tried so many times, and even before our wedding we tried Carrie, but we never made it, so frustrating, I already envision myself happily married with Badj, having children and growing old with him, but..." she stopped and tears fell down her rosy cheeks. I hugged her again, "I'm with you Kath no matter what, I will be here, everything's going to be fine." Yeah, everything, and that includes my relationship with Jazz.