First Love's Secret

chapter 13

Three days after Jazz funeral, I resume with my life but still adjusting and accepting that I am now widowed. There are letters at the mailbox, some are from my office mates, some are bills that are due, some are comforting cards from my friends, and a letter from my parents back in Colorado. I miss them so much, I wish they're here, I was hoping they'll visit. I opened their card and started reading it...

      "Hi dear, how are you? Your father and I miss you so much, we're very sorry we we're not able to attend Jazz funeral, Your dad is  still in therapy for his Parkinson illness, but don't worry he's doing fine, we're having alternate schedules that's why we weren't able to come. Hope you forgive us dear, we pray for you and Bea always, everything's going to be fine, you'll be strong, we love you."

      Since I got my job in a publishing company before the Glam magazine, I decided to live independently. Megan my younger sister went to Colorado to work as a nurse, after a year her petition to get her family was approved, except for me because I'm past 21 years old that time so I was not been able to join my parents. But that doesn't worry me because I'm already getting used to live alone.

      Then I met Jazz, we met in my office mate's sister's graduation party. He was introduced to be the only single man in the party while I was introduced to be the only hopeless romantic desperate single woman, I admit I was a hopeless romantic back then but not desperate! He was not really a talker but we find each other's company fun, and that's how we knew love.

      Jazz was my visible boyfriend for 2 years then became my virtual boyfriend for 3 years, after he got the permit to manipulate a plane we had LDR, which was just okay with me since I'm used to being all by myself.

      Jazz was my first boyfriend since that senior's night I got my mind set that all guys are dumbass monsters. I loved Jazz, but loving him was not enough till I saw the guy who broke my young heart at my best friend's post-wedding party, I begun to doubt my feelings, because seeing Drew that night was like being under that sparkling moonlight again.

      This will be my last time to take hold of Jazz' things especially his clothes in which it still got his scent on it. I savor every smell of Jazz in his clothes while folding and packing it up to be kept in the attic, I so miss him. As I was cleaning up his closet, I saw this brown envelope which was kept hidden under his suits, I never had the chance to take hold any of Jazz' personal files, so I got curious and reached for it.

      The envelope was bulky with "Clementine" written on it, I open the envelope, I hope Jazz won't mind, and take a peek inside it. The envelope was full of letters, landscape pictures and a boat blue print, it looks like a rest house in someplace away from here. The picture was lovely and breathtaking, there is also this lake which is very captivating, does Jazz owned this? He never shared any of it to me. I accidentally dropped the letters on the floor, I picked it up and found out that these are still sealed, and I've noticed that these letters were returned to sender which is Jazz. It seems that the address was way far from here and it looks like somewhere in the province, maybe it's really a getaway rest house. I felt bad that Jazz kept this from me, maybe it's a secret, or maybe this "Clementine" written on the envelope is a girl's name which makes my blood rises thinking that my husband was having an affair with some bitch named "Clementine"!

      "What.The.F*ck." it just slipped in Simon's mouth after hearing my news, I hurriedly hushed his mouth, bad words are not welcome here in the day care center. "Really? Oh my God Carrie, I never thought—"Kath lost in her words, "well looks like I've been eager to hear it, tell me more!" Simon said with full excitement, I suddenly thought of my boss Susie. "How sure are you?" Kath continued, "With my intuition and God-given instinct, I may say very sure" I answered. "Too bad Jazz is no longer here to hear all of your accusations, great timing eh" I glared at Simon, he just grins.

      "We all know Jazz is not really a talker and in some reasons I find him very mysterious," Kath and Simon narrowed their eyes at me "I mean sometimes, but this is way too much for me to ingest! I never thought he's been unfaithful and lying to me all those years" I placed my head on my hands wanting to erase this information, was it better to keep things unknown? Maybe karma's a bitch.

      "This is what I get from lying! This is my punishment!" I can't help to feel guilty and angry at the same time. Simon pats my back, comforting, "well sister, you started it" I glared at Simon who is now trying his best not to laugh, who says friends are comforting well sometimes they do just add up to your  fuckedupness.  "What are you going to do now, Carrie?" Kath asked very much worried and concern from her tone, I looked up again to my friends, then to my sweet little angel who is now jumping and laughing around with her friends, "one must do what one needs to do" Kath and Simon looked at each other clueless then I stood up and continued "and the only way to figure this out is to finally meet this bitch!"