First Love's Secret

chapter 7

Since that night with Jazz, I keep on having this same feeling; I opened it up with Kath. "Oh my dear, are you sure, it's not morning sickness, because based on my research, well I've been preparing motherhood since then, that a woman might be pregnant if she has the signs and symptoms of morning sickness."

      My mind was a big question mark, what the hell is my best friend talking about?! And what the hell is this morning sickness?! It kills me. "That could be impossible; I and Jazz were safe, as in always." She narrows her eyes, "are you sure? It's just with Jazz?" she keeps in giving me that devilish look that scares me! "What just Jazz?! Absolutely just Jazz." but I stopped suddenly a flashback went on my mind "It can't be. I have no idea" I looked at Kath with eyes going to burst with tears, she hugged me, "there is one thing we should do to confirm" Kath said with a knowing look.

      Oh God, this can't be happening! Not like this, not when I can almost foresee my happy ending with Jazz. I cried and cried but tears will never help, I don't want to know, I don't want to feel something is absolutely wrong with me and I know if ever, the result could just be a mistake.

      Later on it was confirmed that I'm pregnant, I can see the envy in Kath's eyes, if only I could just trade this situation with her, this was all her longing not mine. "Oh my gosh, Carrie, you're having a baby!" I know it's just too early to celebrate cause I am just days pregnant with this child. "Kath, I don't want to, how will Jazz gonna accept this, knowing it's not his child" I cried again in Kath's arms.

      Thank goodness, Jazz will be at Sri Lanka for 3 months, just the right time to think how to resolve this problem. Simon was there too to support, I invited him at my unit and thank goodness Kath and Simon clicked right away.

      "Three months, how will I gonna resolve this for just three months?" I feel so helpless. "Ssshh, there's no need to rush, three months is long enough for you." oh Simon, you're as sweet as an angel. "But in three months' time, Carrie's belly will show up the evidence, Jazz will notice." Kath is so worried she just wished it was her in my situation. "Who says about Jazz not noticing it? Of course he will because it will be his." Kath and I were so shocked after hearing what Simon says, what does he mean?

      "What are you saying?! That she will just pretend that its Jazz' child she's having?!" Kath almost broke my eardrums for shouting too loud. "Hey watch that big mouth my dear," Simon told Kath and then looked at me, "he will have no clues, unless you tell him the truth and dear I'm against about abortion." then Kath second the motion.

      He was totally right, all I have to do was pretend, did I just assured myself that I master pretending since I was small? So I, my best friend Kath and my newest buddy Simon agreed for the deal, this will be confidential and no one among us will spill the truth unless needed or when court is involved.

      So for almost a month my two best buddies supported me with my pregnancy, Kath helps me deal my morning sickness and Simon supports all the way. Then one night, we were having pizza party at my unit, Simon along with his boyfriend, yes he already confesses about it at the office, and Mr. and Mrs. Rhie.

      "Wow, Carrie, this was fast. You and Jazz will be a family soon." Badj told me out of jealousy, I smiled wryly at him and thanked. Later on Kath played the video of their wedding in my television, it was a night of fun indeed and then there was him. I dropped my plate and everyone looked at me, while I looked at the shattered plate on my feet. "Opps, sorry about that" Kath and Simon helped me clean the pieces, "are you okay?" Simon asked. Kath gave him the that-was-him look, "Oh, come I think you need some air" Simon accompanied me to the veranda.

      "Carrie, are you sure you're still with this deal thingy?" Simon asked me. I was like, I don't know, I glance at the shining stars. "I'm still into it, but what if we got busted? And..." I touched my belly feeling for my baby inside it, "how can I be a good mother to my baby if I will raise her from a lie and not knowing who's he's father was." Simon hugged me from the back, "don't rush into things dear, maybe if that day comes your child will be smart enough to figure things out, and hell no! You will be the best mother any child can have!" I thanked God for giving me such blessings this child and this gay whom I love both.