First Love's Secret

chapter 16

His kiss lingers in every inch on my skin, I can feel his light sensual touch, the way he tucked my loose strands behind my ear, under the shining moonlight, every moment was perfect and I can see my reflection inside his deep blue eyes. He was the boy whom my young heart loved, the boy who always gives butterflies in my stomach, the boy who give me unconscious smiles just by mere the thought of him in my teenage years. But it was a long long time ago, he was just a part of my past, but yet I still hunger for me.

      I woke up in the middle of the night, and I can feel those blue eyes staring at me at this moment behind those shadows. "Who are you?" I was so shocked knowing there is someone inside Jazz' room. He hurried outside then I followed him, still no light but the shining moonlight glimmers our shadows, we stand still, him turning he's back at me, suddenly Flor came then turned on the light "Sir Andrew, it was an unexpected arrival I thought you were coming tomorrow so I let Ms. Carrie stay for the night."

      His back still facing at me, I wanted him to turn around, to meet the long-lost brother Jazz ever had. He was draped with a trench coat and a fedora on his head, so difficult to recognize him. "Uhm, sorry I didn't mean to invade your place but Flor—"then he turned around, and my world suddenly stop turning. He was the boy, I thought it was just a dream but it was real, he is now standing across me, facing at me.

      "You're Andrew?? Jazz stepbrother?!" I am lost with words, still shock with my jaw dropping to the ground. I can't believe it, my very own young love is the one and only friend Jazz has ever had and they even share half of each other's blood, no wonder some people recognized Bea to have features same as Jazz, because the truth is she still got Jazz' blood in her.

      "Carrie" my name came out of his mouth was full of longing, why does he still have the same effect on me. I covered my mouth out of shock, for how long will I be in this state? "Yes, I am" he answered feeling sorry for me. What is he sorry for? It was my fault I messed up with my husband's stepbrother; I am the one who must apologize.

      "Sorry" I resigned, "no you don't need to apologize" he wanted to hold me I know but he can't, just the same feeling I have inside right now. I've noticed that Flor was no longer at her post, so now were left inside this room alone, just the two of us with all the wanting and longing.

      I went back to bed, but I can't even get some sleep, with all the revelation which excites me. Excites me? Or maybe the thought that I am sharing the same roof with Drew. I went to the kitchen to have some glass of water, I need to relax. The flashbacks went back inside my head, the intimacy we shared that night, the feelings he confessed with me after that, how am I going to handle this, I want to break free!

      But before I went upstairs back in bed, I saw a light somewhere near the lake; maybe all I need is some fresh air to catch. So I went outside for a walk, as I slowly approach the lake, I found out that there is also someone out here.

      Then I found Clementine, the thought of it made a small giggle out of me. "I thought I heard an angel giggling out here" the sound of it made me jump out of my soul. Drew was standing behind me, with no shirt on; I can't help but stare at that manly and sexy chest.

      "I hope I'm giving you a nice view from here" he smirked, I flush aware that he knows I'm staring at his chest. "I need to go back to bed, I think I'm disturbing you" I started moving my feet, "more of distracting me Mrs. Benson" he whispered but too loud for me to hear. I turned red after hearing it, it was way too sexy, but then it won't stop me from walking yet I'm hoping he'll stop me. Then it came true because I can feel his hand grab my arm tightly.

      I looked at him, and found my own reflection in those deep blue eyes just like in my dream. I pulled my arm away, "I now you need answers that's why you came, Carrie" he got me. I turn my gaze away from him, "yes" I answered softly, and then he lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. "Where do you want me to start?" oh God, why is he so damn good looking? I turn red again. "Start with, why did you left after I gave birth to yo—"before I could say it he looked away, phew that was close!

      "I had to, Carrie" what? "What do you mean?" I asked, "I could hear your agony inside the delivery room Carrie, and it hurts me so much, there is nothing I could do to help" he run his fingers through his tousled hair, I find it very distracting but tried my best to listen "when the nurse went out he asked for the husband, at that time, I didn't have any idea who your boyfriend is, but before I could protest she saw me and pulled me inside the delivery room, they let me wear a suit for protection. Inside I saw you in so much pain, I help you breathe Carrie, if it's the least that I can do, then I'll do it." The thought of Drew being there sends chills inside me, I thought that was Jazz, he was there for me, and I know its fate's work again. "I was the very first to hold your baby, and I got so carried away I wished it was my child" I almost choked with my own saliva when he said it, there the power of true blood working.

      "Are you okay Carrie?" he asked and let me sit on the bench, "I'm okay, go on." I guided him. "After hearing that your delivery went well, I was relieved but I heard your baby was not—"I know he do find I hard to say so I helped, "she has a heart failure" he nods assuring, "I thought Jazz was there?" I got lost "Yes, he was, outside. I almost dropped my knees with what coincidence it led us; he was the father of your child, and most specifically your boyfriend. I felt a jealous feeling inside me, of all people why is it had to be him, and it had to be me." I don't know what went wrong with it, I thought they were good. Then the memory of those returned to sender letters, "What happened with you and Jazz? I thought you were..." I would like to say great, better or good, but it just doesn't fit the situation now.

      He does not resume, he just gazed up at the sky, and I studied him silently. He was indeed the boy whom I first fell in love with, but still the pain I got from him still haunts me, I sigh. "We had a promise" he continued which startled me, he always makes me jump off my feet. "I promise" I lingered the word quietly, "We made a promise when we were young, after knowing that our parents were caught by their spouse..." oh, dreadful "we swore we will never fall for the same girl, in that way we'll stay away with the conflicts that would tear us apart" Oh my gosh, I am the root cause of all this, I gasped, Prickly tears starting to create in my eyes "I'm so sorry".

      I stood up and the only thing I want to do now is to get my ass away from here. "Carrie, no. Don't go." he pulled me close to him, too close our nose touched. I looked into his dazzling blue eyes, and then I felt something inside me, the feeling of belongingness, I do once belonged to those captivating eyes, but soon enough I've realized, not anymore.

      "It was my fault" I started to shake, and any time my tears might fall. "No, it was nobody's fault Carrie, we don't have the power to choose whom we fall in love with" he's words was so comforting and I imagine myself being under that shinning moonlight again now with him caressing me in his arms.

      We sat for so long on the bench as we savor the moment under a stunning full moon. We had so much to catch up with each other's lives, with him by my side, it was like reminiscing my young love. He told me about the branching out of his company, and that how our company worked correspondingly to which I resigned a year ago. I asked if he got married, but he presented me his fingers which are quite obvious he's not. Oh my gosh, Andrew Philips is still the god-damn like bachelor in town. "Have you eyed on other girls then?" I asked, he smirked, "after you? Nope." I turned red after hearing that, oh this freakin' hot godlike man makes my insides melt, in which drives me crazy.

      I'm starting to fall sleepy, my eyes wanted to shut but I kept myself awake, I want to be with this guy much more I don't want to spoil this chance. He placed my head on his shoulder and I adjust comfortably, and with that I doze off silently, hearing his last words, "I missed you so much, Carrie" then I'm back to dreamland.

      I woke up the next morning on Jazz' bed, how did I manage to be up here? Then I remembered everything last night, and for a moment I can't help to smile, a very refreshing smile as I stare at myself at the mirror. "I look so young" I was amazed with myself, it was like the very first time I fell in love, I gasped with the thought of it. Am I starting to fall in love again, with the same man I used to? Then I remembered their promise, oh why is my life so miserable.

      I went down the kitchen, and I search for that man who put that refreshing smile in my face. Flor startled me when she came out somewhere, "Goodmorning Carrie, how was your sleep?" she asked, "It was, fine" I answered while my eyes searched for him. "Sir Andrew went back to the city early this morning Madame, he just made sure you are okay" I felt sad, I wanted to frown but I don't want to give Flor a hint about us.

      I bid Flor good bye, she told me I am always welcome to come back and visit, I soon thought about it us our love's nest, Me and Drew in our secret getaway, I felt giddy and smiled at myself while driving back home.