Autumn Haze

5: 'The one where I start a fire...'

TW: Mentions of self-harm please only read this if you feel as if you are in the right head space to do so, your mental health is far more important than any book <3

Disgust runs through my body as I stare at my reflection, I barely got any sleep last night I constantly had Kyle's words running through my brain.

I worked so hard to finally feel okay, and it feels as if it was all for nothing.

Because that's all I felt now...nothing.

I didn't deserve to be okay, I've realised this now.

My eyes widen when I notice Luke leaning against the frame of the bathroom door with a small frown on his face.

I narrow my eyes as I turn my head to look at him, 'Don't look at me right now, I look fucking awful.'

He rolls his eyes before hesitantly placing a kiss on the side of my head, 'That's impossible. You could never look awful.'

My heart cracks when I notice how scared he seems to touch me, 'Y-You don't deserve this.'

His eyebrows knit together, 'What?'

'Y-You looked terrified to touch your own fucking girlfriend.'

He sighs quietly, 'I just don't want to push you.'

'This is so fucked up, you should be able to have a girlfriend who can do normal fucking things with you. L-Luke I couldn't even go out for drinks with your new friends.'

'Would you stop?'

'Stop, what?'

'Telling me what I should and shouldn't have. The only person who gets to determine that is me.''

A strangled sob escapes my lips before I reach out and put my arms around his neck, 'I-I'm really sorry that I can't be everything that you deserve.'

'Autumn, you are more than what I deserve.'

'N-No I'm not.'

My breathing starts to become uneven as I turn myself around to stare back at my reflection and all I can see staring back at me at someone who isn't enough for the boy standing behind me.

Not kind enough.

Not smart enough.

Not caring enough.

Not pretty enough.

Not strong enough.

'Tell me what you are thinking about.' He whispers as he wraps his arms around my front.

'H-How much I want to smash that mirror.' I murmur numbly.

'W-Why?' He croaks out.

'B-Because I really don't like the girl who I'm staring at.'

'Well I think she's perfect.'

I roll my eyes, 'You have to say that.'

'N-No I don't.'

My fingers trail against my ribcage where I burnt myself the other day, I was torn between telling him or not, but I know if I do, I won't be able to do it ever again.

I frown as our eyes meet in the mirror, 'I want to go home.'

'What? Back to your dorm?'

I snort loudly, 'T-That isn't home, I want to go back to my actual home. I-I want to see Winter and Scarlett, I-I want us to be able to walk through the park and for us to just laugh about anything. I-I don't want to be here.'