Autumn Haze

34: 'The one with the nightmares...'

I flinch as I feel Luke shift against me, his limbs flailing wildly. My eyebrows knit together as I turn to look at his sleeping figure, my heart drops when I notice the pained look slowly spread through his features.

'Luke.' I whisper softly, as I begin to soothingly trace patterns on his arms with my fingertips.

I frown deeply when he stirs as his eyebrows grow closer together, I use my spare hand to reach out to feel the rhythm of his heartbeat and as predicted it's going a million miles a minute. 

'Babe.' 

I squeeze my eyes shut when a tortured scream escapes his lips, his entire body sits up as he pants heavily. I peel one of my eyes open to see his chest heaving up and down frantically.  He pulls his knees to his chest as he buries his head in his hands.

'Luke?'

He shakes his head, 'I-I can't do it.'

'You can't do, what?' I ask as I scoot closer towards him.

'I can't escape that room Autumn. My mind is constantly there.'

I nod slowly as I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders, 'I know that feeling. Every time you shut your eyes all that fills your mind is the carving of the ceilings or that spec of dirt on the floor that you trained yourself to look at so that you can allow your mind to escape even if it's just for a second.'

He swallows harshly as he nods, 'Yeah. That's exactly how I'm feeling.'

'Have you ever thought about going to therapy? I mean not just with what's happened recently but you also went through a lot as a kid. What...W-What you went through might be re-surfacing some of the memories.'

He shrugs as he begins to fiddle with the chain that is permanently fastened around his neck, 'I haven't really thought about it.'

'Well you don't have to decide anything right now, it's just something to think about.'

'I don't want to think about anything, I want my mind to fucking switch off. All I can think about is the fact that my shitty waste of a father already ruined my life when I was kid and he's still putting me through shit now.'

'He's a dick.' I murmur softly as I wrap both of my arms around him, he leans into my touch as I begin to slowly stroke his hair.

'I grieved him Autumn. I grieved someone who isn't even fucking dead. He didn't deserve any of my fucking tears but I gave them to him anyway.'

'W-What he put you through...is unforgivable and you the fact that you opened your heart to grieve over that monster shows what a fucking amazing human you are. You know that right?'

'I don't feel like that right now, I feel scared.'

'It's okay to be scared sometimes Luke, you are only human.'

'How did you do it?'

I tilt my head, 'How did I do what?'

'How the fuck did you put on that mask for months? How did you walk around acting like nothing happened to you?'

'I didn't when I was acting like that I was drowning and I felt like there was no escape for me. Putting on a mask doesn't help all that it does is prolong the pain.'

'I'm tired of being in pain.'

'I know you are but I promise you that one day, you won't be in pain anymore.'

Lucas lets out a deep and heavy sigh, 'Right now, it doesn't feel that way.'

'Of course it won't right now, you're healing. Healing is a long process but every small step you take is worth it.'

'How do you know that?'

I shrug, 'Because I began healing the moment you all accepted me into your group and from the very second you guys invited me to car share, I began to feel more alive. Don't get me wrong, my mental health has relapsed but I know it's possible to heal again.'

I suck in a breath as Lucas looks at me with nothing but adoration shining in his eyes, he rests his forehead against mine as he wraps his arms around my waist tightly.

'I'm just so used to holding it all together.'

I reach out and cradle his face in my hands, 'You don't have to hold it all together anymore, I'm here. If you need to fall apart, I'll be right here to catch you.'

'T-That isn't fair...y-you're trying to heal yourself.'

I shrug, 'We're healing together and I feel like that's pretty beautiful.'

He pulls apart with a small smirk etched onto his face, 'Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?'

'Oh I'm her secret twin, my name is actually Spring.'

'Well you two look freakishly alike.'

I nod slowly, 'Yeah, we get that all the time.'

'I love you.'

I shrug, 'Meh, you're okay.'

He laughs loudly before throwing a pillow at my head, 'Say it back, you bitch.'

I join in with his laughter as I throw the pillow back at him, 'I love you too, you little clingy boy.'

'Always?'

'Always Luke.'

...

I yawn loudly as I slowly trudge downstairs, my eyebrows knit together when I see large banners across the living room reading the words, 'It's a girl.' I quickly scramble into the kitchen to see Olivia sitting there with a bowl of cereal scrolling on her phone.

'Did you find out the gender without me?' I ask as a small frown settles on my face.

She looks up at me with a face full of confusion, 'What?'

'They are banners in the living room saying it's a girl.'

'Damn it, Archer!' She mutters to herself as she places a hand on top of her small bump, 'No we haven't found out the gender.'

'Then what are the banners for?'

Before she can answer Archer walks into the kitchen grinning like a Cheshire cat with Winter in his arms.

My petite aunt lifts herself up from her chair before she walks over to her towering husband and swats him on the arm gently, 'You set up the living room too early!'

'First of all, ouch! And second of all, you gave me instructions and I just followed them.'

'What is going on?' I ask with bewilderment lacing my tone.

Olivia huffs loudly before she walks towards the kitchen island and passes both Winter and I an envelope. 

Winter frowns deeply, 'I can't read yet.'

I laugh softly as I tear open my envelope,  my heart stops when I do a quick scan of the papers and see the word 'adoption.'

Hot tears quickly fill my eyes as a strangled sob escapes my lips, 'W-What?'

Olivia gives me a soft smile, 'Well, we were sitting in bed the night that we found out we were expecting and we thought wow we are going to have a child. But then the more we thought about it, the more we realised that we already have two beautiful daughters. Don't get me wrong, it took a lot of convincing for your mom. But she eventually came round.'

'S-So you're adopting us?'

Archer nods slowly, 'We're asking you if you both would like to legally be our daughters?'

I nod as a loud sob leaves my lips, I quickly race towards him and hug him tightly, his body stiffens for a second before he tightly wraps his arms around me. My eyebrows knit together when I hear a soft sniffle from above my head, I tilt my head up to see Archer looking down at me with tears in his eyes. 

'Are you crying?' 

He shrugs, 'I've just never gotten a hug from you before...it means a lot.'

A:N- Hello Angels! Here is a long awaited update, I'm so sorry that it took so long but I really hope that it was worth the update.

Love you all beautiful people xx