Autumn Haze

7: 'The one where I feel like I'm a terrible girlfriend...'

After several hours of trying to contact Luke, Brooke finally got through to him, he was catching the last train up here but wouldn't get home until the early hours of the morning.

 I know that I should be calling or texting him, to see if he's okay. 

But I can't bring myself to do it, I feel this incredible amount of guilt that I just left him on his own in a city that he barely knows, because I'm not strong enough to face the truth. And now he has to sit on his all alone on a two-hour train journey after receiving the news that his abusive father has passed away.

I turn my head to see Scarlett snoring softly, her hands resting safely on her bulging baby bump. I give her a small smile before slowly tiptoeing out of her bed. I trudge downstairs, a quiet yawn escapes my lips as I collapse onto the sofa.

I smile fondly as I trail my fingers over the material of the olive-green sofa, some of my favourite moments with Luke have been here, sitting in this very spot.

Fucking hell, why am I such a coward?

Why don't I have the strength to call him and apologise for how I've been treating him?

My eyelids flutter before I snap them open, I was beyond the point of exhaustion, but I didn't want to sleep until I knew that Luke was home, and he was safe.

My stomach growled quietly; I hadn't eaten in nearly twenty-four hours. But right now, I feel as if I don't deserve to eat.

Someone who purposefully hurts someone they love, doesn't deserve anything.

My heart leaps when I hear keys jangle through the hallway, tears burn the corner of my eyes as I sit up properly. I blink rapidly as the living room lights switch on.

Lucas startles dramatically, he holds a hand to his chest, 'What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you sat alone in the dark? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?'

'N-No, I'm sorry. I-I just couldn't sleep until I knew you were home.'

He falters slightly before a cold expression settles into his features, 'Y-You didn't call me.'

'I-I know, I'm sorry.'

'M-My dad died and y-you didn't call me.'

My heart breaks entirely as tears roll down my cheeks, 'I-I'm really sorry.'

'I've always promised you that if you've upset me, I'd tell you. Fuck Autumn, I can't even describe how hurt I am right now.'

My stomach drops violently, 'L-Luke, I'm so sorry.'

'I feel like I really need you right now, but I also don't want to be around you. That's how much you've fucking upset me. I-I understand that we had a fight and you needed space, but fuck. My dad fucking died.'

I close my eyes tightly, 'I-I don't know what to say.'

'There's nothing that you can say right now.'

I quickly stand on my feet, I grasp his hands tightly, it kills me when he doesn't intwine our fingers together, 'I'm a fucking idiot.'

'Yeah, you are.'

'I'm selfish. A-And I was scared to call you.'

'Why the fuck would you be scared to call me?'

I wince, 'B-Because I'm a coward a-and I felt guilty for already hurting you earlier.'

'So, you thought that the best solution would be to hurt me even further?'

This was it.

I've ruined the only perfect thing I've ever had.

'T-The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you!' I croak out, 'T-That's why I didn't tell you-'