Autumn Haze

23: 'The one with the unbearable ache in my chest...'

I stare at my phone numbly, waiting. Waiting for the phone call of Brooke to tell me that the police have found Luke's body. I don't think I've moved an inch since I've gotten home.

I couldn't miss this phone call.

I needed to know whether this was all real or not.

'Autumn?' I hear Olivia asks softly.

I continue staring at the phone, I don't dare take my eyes off it, not even just for a second.

'Do you want something to eat?'

'No.'

Luke would never be able to eat again, he'd never be able to enjoy his favourite foods, he'd never be able to finish my leftover fries when I'm too full to have anymore. My bottom lip wobbles at the thought.

'You need to eat, honey.'

'I'm not hungry.'

It's true, I'm not hungry, actually in-fact I'm not anything.

I don't feel anything.

'Why don't you just try and eat something small?'

'I'm not hungry.'

'Okay Autie, I'm here if you need me.'

The only thing I need right now is Luke, I need his laughter, his warmth, his cocky little smirk, his hazel eyes, the way that they'd glimmer when he was talking about something or someone he loved.

I should have taken more mental photographs.

I should have savoured every moment.

I let out a small yawn as I lie back against my mattress, I keep my hand curled around my phone as I allow my head to nestle into one of my pillows.

'Princess?'

My eyes snap open when I hear the familiar husky tone that sends tingles straight down to my toes, his beautiful face only inches away from mine, 'L-Lucas?'

He rolls his eyes as he sits down at the corner of my bed, 'Wow, my full name, am I in trouble or something?'

'Yes, you are!' I shriek out as tears glaze over my eyes, 'Where the fuck have you been?'

'Apparently, I've been living rent free in your mind.'

I frown deeply as I stare at him, 'Y-You aren't real.'

'Define real.'

A strangled sob escapes my lips as I reach out to touch him before he disappears, 'L-Luke?' 

I glance around frantically, looking for any evidence that he was actually next to me, that the voice I heard was actually is.

My chest feels as if it's being suffocated as I jolt up, I pant breathlessly as I look around my surroundings, hot tears roll down my cheeks when I realise that I'm still in bed, I'm still wearing the same clothes that I've been wearing for the past twelve hours. My trembling hands find my phone, it squeezes tightly when I notice I have no missed messages or calls.

They should have contact Brooke by now, surely?

They should have called Brooke and told her, that they've found her sons body.

I pull my knees closers to my chest, I let out a shaky breath before I clutch my head. My mind can't help but play constant re-runs of various moments I've shared with Lucas.

I need them to go away.

I can't think about him, it's all too much.

Being here without him is too much.