Autumn Haze

32: 'The one where I face my past...'

I swallow uncomfortably as I look at Lucas' tortured face, he's been in and out of sleep for the past hour. It's been over a week and I don't think he's had more than five hours of peaceful slumber.

Is this how he felt when I had nightmares?

Because it's killing me, I've never felt so helpless. I just want him to know that everything is going to be okay, that it's the past. But I know better than that as someone who has endured nightmares and sleepless nights for the past year.

My eyebrows knit together when Olivia bursts into my room with a grave expression on her face, my stomach drops violently.

'Autie.'

'...Yeah?'

She composes herself for a moment before she shifts onto her other foot, 'I just received a call from your mom...she got a letter in the mail for you Will Davies has been arrested for the rape of a nineteen year old girl and the girl who is testifying against him wants you to step-forward, she read your article.'

I blink rapidly as my heart begins to race uncomfortably, 'B-But I didn't state his name in my article.'

'Her name is Lana, do you know anyone with that name?'

My mind flickers back to the girl I met on my first day of college, the same girl who told me that she was dating Kyle, the same girl that I tried to warn.

My breathing starts to become extremely shallow, my entire vision grows blurry as my chest tightens.

I didn't save her.

All I wanted was to protect her, I begged and pleaded for her to listen.

'And baby I'm so sorry that isn't all, Will has actually requested a visit from you while he's in his holding cell.'

Bile threatens to rise from my throat, 'W-What?'

'He's requested a visit from you.'

I turn my head when I feel Luke's body tense dramatically, I didn't even realise that he had woken up during this conversation.

'He can fuck off.' He murmurs harshly, 'She isn't going anywhere fucking near him.'

I shake my head timidly, 'I-I want to see him.'

'W-What?'

'I...I want to see him, I want him to listen to me!' I cry out as an anger I don't think I've ever felt before hits my stomach with a full force, 'He deserves to hear how he fucked up my entire life!'

'Autumn...I don't think that's the best idea.'

I shrug, 'Maybe it isn't but I want him to fucking pay, I want him to know I'm going to testify, I want him to feel that fear that lives within me every single time a man fucking looks at me.'

Olivia's eyes water considerably as she walks towards me and wraps her arms around me tightly, she plants a kiss on the crown of my head, 'I'm so proud of you for stepping forward, I wish I could put into words how proud of you I am.'

I melt into her embrace as I cling onto her tightly, 'Thank you.'

'You are gold.' She whispers into my ear.

Luke looks at me unsurely as I notice the concern seeping into his features but he doesn't know that I need to do this, I need to feel powerful against the man who took away all of mine.

...

My knee bounces dramatically as I settle myself into the cheap metal chair, my heart feels as if it's being restrained by a straitjacket. Logically, I know that I'm safe and I'm protected. There's guards surrounding us and a thick piece of glass separating us. But my brain wouldn't listen, it wouldn't cooperate.