What Goes Up

Tense Spaghetti

Wren

I head down to the kitchen and start to boil a pot of spaghetti. 

Like clockwork Quin comes through the front door and into the kitchen, "Hey! I haven't even seen you to ask, how was your birthday?" she chirps.

"Perfect, amazing, it kind of carried over into today, it's been the best birthday ever."

Kilian walks into the kitchen as I finish talking and winks at me. I feel heat rising in my cheeks but I don't want to tell Quin about what just happened so I turn around toward the stove.

"Have you seen dad today?" Quin asks.

"No, why?"

"He's not looking good, I guess he fell in the bathroom last night," she explains.

I turn around shocked, "What?"

"That's what he said, his whole face is black and blue, I told him to go to the doctor but he said he was okay," Quin says.

"Kil, can you watch this for a minute? I just want to go check my phone."

Before he even answers I rush upstairs and check my phone, there is nothing from my dad or my mom. Go figure, Happy 18th Birthday. 

I felt bad for a minute that I haven't been paying attention to the family but they weren't paying attention either. I stalk back down the stairs not sure how I should feel at this moment, it's really becoming too much.

I take a deep breath when I enter the kitchen, "Quin, will you be okay if I don't... do all of this anymore?"

"All of what?"

"The shopping, the cooking, the laundry, shit the laundry..."

I rush to the washer to change the load from earlier over to the dryer. I can't help it, I feel so overwhelmed right now that tears start running down my face so I just sit down on the ground and cry.

I hear Kilian strain the pasta but before I know it he's on the ground in front of me, "Are you okay?"

"Sorry, I feel like a crazy person," I admit.

"Why are you sad?"

"I'm not even sure that I am... it's like everything is too much and it's coming out as tears," I explain.

"Let me make sure Quin is set up and we'll go talk okay?" Kilian stands up and extends a hand to me to help me up.

"Kil, let's eat, I promise to talk to you later but I'm starving." My stomach growls and I can't stifle a laugh, "See?"

Kilian smiles softly at me then we finish the laundry. When we go back into the kitchen Quin has taken it on herself to start adding sauce and cheese to the pasta.

I place a hand on her shoulder, "Thanks, Quinny."

"Sissy, I know you have a lot on you, I just didn't know how much it was affecting you."

"I just need to know that you're going to be okay when I leave in a few weeks," I assure her.

"I am, I've been to mama's twice last week for dinner and she has been picking me up at cheer when dad can't."

"Quin, you shouldn't go in a car with her..." I warn.

"She doesn't do it during the day, she promised me."

"I'm just worried about you, I don't want you to feel abandoned..." I can't make myself finish the sentence, I don't want her to feel abandoned by me the way I feel about my parents.

I get plates and silverware out and help her plate the food. Kilian brings the dishes to the table and we all sit down.

At this point I've been thinking of how to explain to Quin how I feel, I'm not sure if it will work but I have to try, "What I mean is, this ship is sinking and I feel bad leaving you on it," I spell out.

"I don't see it that way," she says.

"How do you see it?"

"I know momma was awful to you... and I know you don't like dad but I do like them, I'm great here."

"Quin, it's not like I don't like dad, if anything he doesn't like me," I say starting to get defensive.

"I don't think so," she insists.

I'm done talking about this, maybe someday when Quin is older she'll see what I've done for her, what I've given up so that she can have it... I start shoveling pasta into my mouth to avoid saying what I really want to say. Kilian squeezes my leg under the table in support and we finish the meal in uncomfortable silence. I wash the dishes with Kilian's help and don't say anything else to Quin, I'm afraid I will say something I don't mean if I let my mouth open.

You put the leftover pasta on a plate for dad and put it in the microwave, "Tell dad his dinner is in there, I'm going to bed."

After I close the microwave I stalk up the stairs with Kilian hot on my heels. I run to my room and flop onto my bed then pull the blanket over my head.

"Wrenny?" Kilian says, his tone is questioning.

"I'm hiding from the world, you can come if you want to," I peep.

Kilian gets into bed with me and under the covers. He takes my face in his hand and when he realizes I'm crying he wipes my tears with his thumb. "Will you tell me what's going on?" he asks.

"Yeah, I will but I feel like I'm going to sound crazy so can I get a no honk guarantee?" I give him a small, twisted smile.

He chuckles, "Leave it to you to bring Wayne's World into this. I won't honk or bolt or anything else," he promises.

I sit up and he does too, "Our talk at the store, I guess it really got to me. I realized that you're my family," I admit.

"Of course Wrenny and you're mine, someday I'm going to put a ring on that finger and we're going to grow old together."

I can't help but smile at him, "That's what I mean, my birthday, it was literally bliss... I didn't even realize that my parents didn't even text or call me until dinner tonight."

"They didn't?" his face twists with shock.

"No."

He strokes my hair trying to calm me, "I'm sorry, but try not to dwell on that... soon we'll be out of here. I know it hurts, it hurts me too... I want to give them a piece of my mind but I know you don't want that."

"Well, that's it exactly, like at the store I was being a bitch to you, I'm sorry. You're right. I want to move in with you and have a new life. I'll help Quin... but after tonight I realized she doesn't understand anything."

"Come here..."

He kisses my head and runs his fingers through my hair soothing me, "I've got you, and I always will."

"Thank you, Kilian, I love you. You said I saved you but you're saving me."

"I'm lucky that you even allow me in your atmosphere let alone let me love you. I'm the luckiest man alive, you never have to thank me, every minute I'm by your side is a gift."

We share a deep, slow kiss and when we pull away I realize that no matter how difficult the past few years have been that I found my happily ever after and I couldn't be more thankful.