Book 2: The Three of Us

Chapter 8: A Reminder of the Past

Thinking back on my behavior when I was in the hospital, it reminded me that Tsunade deserved an apology. It was wrong for me to take my anger - my guilt and my regret - out on her. Finally apologizing to her felt good. Her forgiveness made me appreciate the friend I had in her. With that now in the past, we were finally back to our normal bickering selves.

The carefree smile disappears from my face, replaced with a deep scowl, when a man I never wanted to see again steps into the room. The guilt and pain of my past is protected by the anger that bubbles up in me. Seeing him is a sharp reminder of my biggest regret, one that is forever unforgivable. Tsunade notices the sudden switch in my demeanor and carefully watches my every move.

Ibiki Morino tenses when he sees me, his own relaxed state disappearing quickly. His intense stare feels like it's piercing straight through me, seeing into every vulnerable part of me. Every part of my mind was screaming at me to retreat but I was stuck motionless, rooted in place. With a look of distrust, Morino turns away from me and towards Tsunade.

I can see him trying to shift his face to one of indifference in front of his Hokage, "Here are the papers you asked for. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving now."

He turns to leave but stops at Tsunade's command, "Wait, Ibiki."

He turns back towards Tsunade, "Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"Care to explain the history you two share?"

My head snaps towards Tsunade after she asks the question, "Tsunade. Stop."

Morino lets out a dry laugh, giving me a cruel smile, "Scared it's going to change her view of you, make her question if she should trust you? Or are you ashamed?"

"Morino. That's enough," I grit out, my hands starting to tremble. 

"So you are ashamed," he seems to take joy from this knowledge, "How about guilt? Are you feeling that too?"

Every part of this conversation makes me sick to my stomach, me desperately not wanting to hear my biggest shame spoken out loud. Hearing those words would crumble every wall I put up to block it all out. I could tell the wall holding back everything was already breaking. Morino's prying gets him exactly what he wants, me losing control over my emotions and becoming unstable.

"What did it feel like when you found out the information you were protecting? How did that betrayal feel?" he says, continuing pressing where he knew I was vulnerable.  

My eyes burn with unshed tears as he continues to speak, and my breath feels like its been stolen from me, a pressure on my chest suffocating me, "Please, that's enough." 

He doesn't listen. 

"The intel we got about that mission never did sit right with me. It got me curious and even after the mission was over, I continued to look into it. It was someone from your village that gave us the information on the location of the Cypher Division, they set it all up. And I think it was all to test your loyalty. Must of been disappointing when you found out what that loyalty gave you in return."

Tsunade stands up abruptly, slamming her hands down on the table, "Will one of you tell me what the hell you are talking about?"

"Hoshigaki was sent on a mission to protect the Kirigakure Cypher Division and the intel they were transporting. When my team ambushed them and there was no way out, Hoshigaki killed his whole team to protect the intel. He escaped with the precious intel sealed in a scroll," Morino continues to explain and the very idea of what he's going to say next has me wanting to throw up, "Imagine my surprise when I found out that scroll held intel that helped massacre his whole clan."

Tsunade looks at me in horror and I can't stand to look at her. My whole body shakes as I look at Morino. I rush towards him, grabbing him by his jacket and slamming him against the wall. The sound of him hitting the wall is loud as I almost send Morino's body all the way through the wall. It's a mere fraction of the damage I could inflict on him but I know better than to completely loose control. My voice is sharp with anger as I yell at him and I want nothing more than to kill him right here and now, "You done? You satisfied?"

"Kisame! That's enough!" Despite seeing Tsunade as my equal, I know better than to disobey her.

I shove Morino one last time, sending him through the wall and into the hallway. The other shinobi who happened to be in the hall at the time jump out of the way, careful to not get caught in the middle of the commotion. His body is thrown back into the next wall over, where Morino lets out a laugh as he uses the wall to hold himself up, "Look at that, the big bad Tailless Tailed Beast has feelings."

"If it was just us here, I wouldn't hesitate to kill you," I grit out, stopping myself from throwing the man through another wall or just straight out the window. Shredding the skin off his body with Samihada is also sounding appealing right now.

"Oh, I know."

"Kisame?" a voice from down the hall says. The gentle way it is spoken has me snapping my head in the direction it's coming from. It's said in a motherly tone that sends another wave of guilt through my body, another painful reminder of all that I'm guilty of and all that I've lost.

My eyes burn with unshed tears when I make eye contact with Mikoto and with one look she can tell I'm on the verge of breaking down. She rushes towards me, unafraid unlike all the terrified shinobi staring at me. Grabbing my arm, she goes through a series of one handed signs so fast I'm unable to follow them. With a sudden lurch and vertigo that makes me loose my balance, next thing I know I'm in the Uchiha main house.

Mikoto wraps me in a hug and it sends me over the edge, tears start running down my face and my knees buckle under me. She catches my weight effortlessly and guides us to the ground, still holding me in her arms. Once the tears start, I'm unable to stop them, and all the pain I've been holding for a decade comes flowing out. She holds me, letting me block the rest of the world out as I finally let myself cry for the first time in years.

***

Writing this chapter was really intense for me. While writing I tend to insert myself as that character, I take on there life experiences and all the things they love as if it was me. Being able to step into the mind of another is something that I've always felt is so profound. It allows me a moment after I've written it to really reflect on the actions of others and all that we can't see that influences them to act a specific way. Writing in this way, I think, teaches me to be more compassionate towards others.