Book 2: The Three of Us

Chapter 20: Not Over It

Looking at the lifeless form under the white sheet, I lift it up, looking at the face of the old woman. There's no obvious signs of the cause of death but the face is painfully familiar. It was the homeless woman that collected the day old pastries every morning and handed them out to all the other needy people before even thinking of taking one for herself.

The woman that I've known for most of my life. The woman I knew I'd always be able to find on that same old street that I took to walk to the academy and later to team sevens training ground. We've talked hundreds of times. I've given her medical treatment when she needed it. Gave her my extra food.

And in that moment I realized, I never knew her name.

Guilt bubbled up in my stomach, leaving me feeling nauseous. Despite telling myself I cared about the old woman, I never even asked for her name. The realization was a slap to the face, pulling my ego out from under itself and showing my true self.

Did I ever really care for this woman? Or did I offer her aid to boost my own ego? To be able to tell myself that I was kind and thoughtful. And at the end of the day, be able to sleep peacefully in my warm bed, protected by the sturdy walls of a home.

My own hypocrisy was staring me right in the face.

Covering her back up with the sheet, I stand and make my way back over to the temporary hospital. Now wasn't the time to dwell on that. I didn't have time to be caught up in my own mind. The only thing important right now was getting the village up and running again. Everything else could wait.

Standing by the entrance of the hospital is Kisame, staring off in the distance and caught up in thought. Seeing him helps improve my mood and a small smile is able to make its way onto my face. Noticing me nearing, Kisame gives me a tired smile, the bags under his eyes more prominent then ever.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here," I say, scanning my eyes over him, looking for any injury.

"Not here for a check up, only to pass on some information. The Five Kage Summit is in a weeks time. Tsunade, you and myself are leaving for it in three days," Kisame explains.

I raise my eyebrows in surprise, "It's really happening?"

Kisame nods, "Yeah, still trying to wrap my head around it."

Looking him over once again, I can't help but worry about him. He was struggling, constantly distracted and not sleeping enough. It was painful to watch. Whatever has been bothering him wasn't about his clan. If it was, he would share it with us. It was so incredibly frustrating. None of us had the time to deal with anything but the village.

Grabbing his hand, I pull him aside, away from the commotion of people. He looks at me in confusion but doesn't protest. Once we finally reach an area we can talk in private, I stop and give him a serious look. I let go of his hand and let out a heavy breath, "I don't like forcing you to talk before you're ready but whatever's been bothering you lately is getting worse. You barely sleep, you're distracted all the time. And you won't tell us what's going on!" As I speak, my frustration gets the better of me and causes me to raise my voice.

Kisame looks away from me, unable to make eye contact. I can see him starting to shut down and I curse at myself for raising my voice.

Speaking softer, I continue, "Whatever this is, it's not about your clan, it's something else. I just want to make sure you're okay. I'm worried about you."

Kisame turns towards me and I reach out to place my hand on his cheek. Before my hand even touches him, he flinches back and I can see the guilt building up in him the moment he does. My hand drops to my side and I can't help but feel hurt, my throat burns and unshed tears threaten to fall.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. You're right, this has nothing to do with my clan," Kisame's voice is quiet and I've never seen him look so terrified before, "I don't know why it's all coming back now. I thought I was passed it but I'm not."

"Passed what?" I ask.

"My time in The Rink. It was good at first but after a year there things changed. I caught the attention of The Madam - the one who ran it - and she manipulated me. I was so scared, of her, of disappointing her, everything," Kisame explains, his voice wavering and his hands shaking. I wanted to reach out and comfort him but last time I tried to he flinched back and I didn't want that to happen again. Tears start to fall from his eyes and his hands clench at his sides, "I was so scared. I just don't understand why it's come back since I've been in the village. It was manageable at first but it keeps on getting worse and I don't know how to deal with it."

It took everything in me to not start crying at his words. Taking a slow step towards him, I ask, "Can I touch you?"

He gives a nod of approval and I close the gap between us, pulling him into a hug and holding him tightly. At first his whole body tenses but slowly he's able to relax and hug me back.

"You're safe now. I promise," I whisper to him as he cries into my shoulder, hiding himself from the rest of the world.

"I'm so tired," he says when his tears finally stop.

I hold him tighter against me, never wanting to let go, "I know."

We pull back from the hug but still hold onto each other. I can feel the shake of his hands lessen as he brings them to gently hold my face. Pressing his forehead against mine, I can feel his breath against my face as he steadies his breathing, "Lately I've been a mess and haven't been the best. I don't make loving me easy, do I?"

"It's not always easy but I'm not here for only the good parts. I'm willing to work for this," I say, every word overflowing with truth.

"Me too," Kisame says before kissing me gently with a softness so unexplainably him.