Book 2: The Three of Us

Chapter 24: A Good Talk

The last few days have been awkward, to say the least and even that felt like an understatement. If anything, the constant glare that Inner has been giving me continues to inch closer to hostile. Inner was only someone I heard Sakura talk about in passing, and it was not a topic she ever went in depth about. Right now I was wishing I would of tried to learn a bit more about Inner because if I did, maybe things wouldn't be so...awkward? Each passing minute made that word feel less and less like the right word to explain this situation. 

I watch Inner as we she checks us into the inn we were staying the night in. This was the last night before we'd be arriving at our destination and now that we were so far north and the land was blanketed with a thick layer of snow, it was entirely too cold to sleep outside. I couldn't help but compare everything Inner does to Sakura. The polite but genuine smile Sakura gave strangers when she was speaking with them wasn't there, instead Inner's face was pulled into a frown, bordering on irritated as she delt with the desk lady. 

As we walk down the hall to our rooms, even the way she walked was different then Sakura. The way she carried herself and the gate to her step were just ever so different. Close enough that some one who knew her in passing wouldn't be able to tell but anyone who knew her would know something was off. It didn't help that who I was looking at looked like Sakura but wasn't. I mean, it kind of was her but not at the same time. How that could even be possible was beyond me. Dissociative identity disorder is something I'll never be able to completely understand. And then add on whatever crazy Yamanaka clan justus they did to create a literal complex mindscape for the inactive personality to exist in was incomprehensible. Plus, according to Sakura she had two others in her system that she calls "fragments." With time they became integrated with her instead of becoming there own person like Inner. 

Making our way down the hall of the Inn, Tsunade heads into her room and Inner and I head to ours. Following two steps behind her I watch as she throws her bag on the far single bed, leaving the one closer to the door for me. Exhausted from the days of travel, I set my bag down on the ground, pull off my cloak and overcoat, and flop onto the bed. The bed springs creek as my weight settles before falling quiet. Laying on top of the blanket, face in the pillow, I breathe in the smell of the freshly cleaned sheets. Turning my head over to watch Inner, she grabs a set of night clothes before making her way to the bathroom. From where I'm laying down I can hear as she turns on the shower and steps in. That's the last thing I remember before sleep takes me. 

***

Waking, I sit up quickly, hand grasping my shirt above my heart, my rapid heartrate the only thing I can hear. Panic! Danger! Fear! the only thought flying through my mind. Nausea settles in my stomach as my body fails to manage the sudden adrenaline flowing through my body. Standing on shaky legs, I stumble my way to the balcony door, everything a haze as I unlock the door and step outside. Taking in a deep shuttering breath, the cold air burns my lungs, shocking my system and stopping the panic attack from escalating. 

Leaning on the railing for support, I look up at the night sky and watch as each breath creates a cloud of white. Despite my mind finally starting to calm down, left over adrenaline still lingers, leaving my limps numb and unable to feel the biting cold. Tremors rack my body, leaving me feeling unstable. I take the time to name each constellation I can see, and with each one identified I can feel my mind slowly start to reconnect with my body. 

A gust of wind breaks the stillness of the night and for the first time since I stepped outside, I feel the biting cold as it travels through my clothes and sends a shiver across my body. In this moment I was extremally grateful that I fell asleep with my shoes on. If not, I could of gotten frostbite and the last thing I needed was to lose anymore toes. I was already short a few, and losing anymore might cause issues. 

The sound of the door opening has me turning my head and in the doorway is Inner wrapped in a blanket and holding another. Her lips pull down in a frown as she throws the extra blanket over me, "You're going to get sick, idiot." 

Pulling the blanket around myself, I can feel myself starting to warm. I give a quiet 'hum' of appreciation, not yet feeling ready to talk. 

Inner pulls her shoes on and steps outside. She seems to ignore me as she makes her way over to the railing to look over the endless rolling white hills. Silence falls between us as we both look at everything but each other. 

Taking a deep breath, I break the silence that has fallen between us, "I'm sorry I hurt you and Sakura. I didn't mean to but I did and I can't ignore that." 

"You're not the reason she shut down. She left too many things undealt with and I was unable to continue containing it all. There's only so many negative emotions I can hold before it becomes too much," Inner says, pausing momentarily before continuing, "Just so you know, I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at the whole situation. We haven't had the time to process everything that has happened and we knew this was going to happen eventually, we just had no idea of knowing when." 

"How's Sakura?" 

Inner snorts out a laugh, "Locked in a room with all our undealt with shit. Ain't gonna let her out until she's done sorting through all of it." 

"You can communicate with her?" 

Inner nods, "Yeah, we've been talking every few hours. But if you're wondering if she can see what's going on, she can't. Kinda pissed her off with that, got a terrible headache for it. She's a total control freak." 

An amused smile pulls its way onto my face as I let out a light laugh, "Sounds about right. She's stubborn as hell." 

This time Inner throws her head back and lets out a laugh. Turning towards me, her eyes shining with amusement, her lips turned up in more of a smirk then a smile, "Fuck yeah, you got that right." 

"Ya know, you're not too bad when you're not being all grumpy," I tease. 

Faster then I can see, her fist moves out from the blanket and punches me in the shoulder, "Asshole," she scoffs out and turns her head away, trying to hide the way her lips start to move up into a genuine smile. 

Voice quieting as I turn serious, I say, "Thanks, by the way. I appreciate it." 

Inner scoffs and starts walking back to the door, "Don't let it get to your big fish head. I'm only watching out for you because Sakura isn't here right now." 

I could still feel the lingering tremors in my hands but the overwhelming anxiety from earlier was gone. Letting out a yawn, I follow her back into the room in attempt to get at least a few more hours of sleep before we had to leave.