Arūna's unbearably bright phone screen illuminated her tired face as she stared at her phone's wallpaper, her eyes squinting since they couldn't adjust to the brightness. She was getting sick of this, sick of being unable to think of anything she could do to bring some light to the situation.
It was too weird, too awkward & nerve-racking for her to open her contacts on her phone & go to their messages. Arūna had tried to text Oikawa, but she'd only sent a short, apathetic-looking sorry text & asked him how he was doing, to which he responded so dryly that the Sahara desserts were jealous of how dry Oikawa's answer was.
She wanted to write more, but her fingers didn't have the strength or courage to do so & her mind kept avoiding thinking about anything related to that. Arūna had almost felt sick to the stomach because of the rather unexpected silent treatment & the feeling, the thoughts of knowing she was doing nothing.
Arūna dropped her head onto her desk & an empty cup fell over. A bead of cold green tea slid out of the cup & landed on her physics notebook. That same drop of old tea soaked the corner of the page, where she kept drawing small Oikawa doodles.
She stared at the sketch, watching the gel ink bleed through like watercolour paint. Arūna let out a gruesomely long sigh as she gazed at her monitor, which shined down on her face from the Word document she'd recently opened. She stared at the monitor's outline, glancing at the pictures she had taped on her computer: were all polaroids of Arūna & her friends they had taken a few months ago at a photo booth. The most recent one she had added to her Polaroid camera collection was of Oikawa & of a slightly embarrassed Arūna, who was covering her face with her hands while Oikawa hugged her from behind with a smile on his face. Regardless of Arūna's attempts at coverage, she could still see a coy smile shying away through the small gap between her palms in the photo.
Arūna smiled at the pictures. She could remember the feelings she experienced during that moment & she wanted to feel them again. However... she couldn't.
Fucking hell, this is so stupid. Why did Arūna even have to snap in the first place? Why did Oikawa bring up this topic & add fuel to the fire? Sure, they were both tired & Arūna was constantly stressed to some degree from the banter at home, but was that a good reason to act like that? Was using their tiredness & misbeliefs a decent explanation for everything? The perfect excuse?
Was what he said true? Was Arūna just ignoring everything & when her incompetent qualities were brought to light, did she have the right to get upset about that?
Was what she said true? Was Oikawa just a stuck-up boy, who wanted nothing but some attention from someone for a little while to feel something?
The girl was lost when trying to figure out how to fix the situation piece by piece or how to start even thinking about it since the pieces were getting crushed into microscopic shards.
By all means, Arūna knew what she needed to say, but how would she say it? How could one even bring such an embarrassing situation to life? If both of them were staying quiet, was there even a point to try & light a flame with only ashes?
All Arūna had at the moment was an unclear vision of how everything would supposedly work out. Despite the illusion, there was no start, middle or end to it. Arūna could only see the result she wished to already have.
Taking in another deep breath, Arūna grabbed her phone off her physics textbook. She opened it & tapped onto contacts, going to talk to someone different for the first time in a while.
- I'm going to shoot myself one day... - Arūna whispered. She couldn't believe she was actually considering asking for help from someone. It felt so humiliating.
This was it. Since she was going to get eaten alive by her regret, then at least someone else had to help Arūna think rationally about anything & everything at this point. However, because she'd always dealt with her problems on her own, it quite literally felt wrong to ask for the slightest amount of aid. It was an embarrassing & a pretty humbling experience.
Arūna caught herself about to fall asleep again. She had lost count of how many times she felt the air unexpectedly vanish from her lungs & get her to pass out. Arūna genuinely couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so... so dead but alive, so crushed underneath such a heavy weight of mental fatigue.
The girl wished for Oikawa's warmth to return instead of emotions that sucked the life out of her, instead of the cold air seeping through her slightly opened window... Ultimately defeated, Arūna pressed on Sora's contact, calling her for the first time after months. She hated calling.
A sleepy voice spoke up:
-What do you want now?
- ...Sora.
The irritation in Sora's voice instantly disappeared once she heard Arūna speak. She realised this wasn't another yearly call meant to find her in a lost crowd.
Sora continued:
- Jeez, what's got you sounding like death at my door?
- I... I messed up again.
Sora sighed.
- I'll come get you from your place, and we're heading over to mine. You sound beat. I'll be there in a few.
- Thanks... - Arūna mumbled. She wanted to add more, but no noise escaped from her agape mouth.
Sora ended the call & Arūna slumped her phone onto her physics textbook again. She dropped her head onto the desk & began her wait for Sora to knock on her window so she'd know when to sneak out.
YOU ARE READING
- tutoring sessions // oikawa tooru.
Fiksi Penggemar- ...You know, Rūna'chan, you are very smart, but there are still many things you don't even know how to do. I think... - he traced his hand towards the girl's. - I think I could teach you a few things as well. He held her hand. - Like what, then? ...
