Im on the edge of another break down
I can feel it drawing near
The emotions are pilling up
And i cracked a bit last night
But i fortified my walls
and im afraid of what might come
When im all alone again
But that wont be for a while
As my schedule seems so full
But late at night
The shadows creep
So all my lights are on
And I've'n't slept a wink
That wasnt filled with dreams
Of my worst thoughts
So i read word by word
Trying to fill my head
But my hands are shaking
And im not taking anything in
Im scaring myself
and i really do think
Im about to fall off the edge
Deep breaths dont help
Keeping to myself
My mind is running fast
My hands are going cold
But im sweating and tweaking
And i just cant help myself
Doing mindless tasks
Like an OCD, ADD or ADHD kid
Its the middle of class
Im getting funny looks
Im not writing this for you
But to calm my own head
This is what im really going through
And i dont like it a bit
I will keep writing
Until ive calmed down
This give me something to focus on
So mind isnt wandering around
Then again, it is
But its like running in a corral
Im having trouble
Putting thoughts to words
This is aggravating
It pushed the tides to turn
My eyes are getting blury
But i cannot cry here
They, the other students
See me as the stong one
Ive the need to persevere
Staring at the ceiling
Looking at my screen
Holding it together
But id really liked to scream
My leg wont stop tapping
My hands wont obey
IM having trouble typing
Going back to fix my mistakes
I hate what my brain is doing to me
Its creating this mess
But how do i go about fixing
What i cant understand
I dont feel comfortable talking
To anyone but me
Internalizing emotions
Trapped up in my own head
I can admit to having problems
But talking about them
makes me feel dead
Everone is talking
Im in a sociable class now
Everyone knows each other
But im sitting on a far desk
No one sees me
Im intangible here
Just a teacher's aid
Surrounded by my peers.
Going through empty halls
Ive got to move fast
Else I'll find myself
Sitting on my ass
Crying, trying to stop
But i practically run
Retrieving what I forgot.
Now im back to sitting
Surrounded by movement
Only I've no task to complete
Stuck again
In my own head
I feel like im on repeat
Suffocating
But i breathe
In the darkness
surounding me
I cant find better words
Still on repeat
I hate this feeling
Why wont it leave
I want to talk to Kevin
Or Em or Jess or a tree
But i cant find my voice
Its been gone for a while
Probably since i became me
Tears again,
Still not falling
Im not crying,
No, not ever, not here
It's like a mantra
Repetitious lines
Over and over
I'll never cry
Drip drip,
This faucet 's leaking
Im not eating
Lunchtime is almost here
Where can i hide away
Until the end of the day
But i have to go
Else i wont walk the stage
Graduation is a week away
Im not ready for that day
I dont want to grown up
Living life
Sure does suck
Okkay. I think im done.
YOU ARE READING
Just A Troubled Mind Looking For Peace
PoesieA collection of lyrically inclined phrases that have popped into my head over the years. ~B.A.L.K Much love. Hard love.
