Just A Troubled Mind Looking For Peace

Gone

Have you ever just gotten that feeling?
That gentle shift in your already glummy mood,
That makes your eyes start to water
And you want to curl up into as tiny a space you can get.

Because the smaller you are, the less room your mind has to wander.
And a wandering mind can only ever make it worse.
Always the doubts, the fears, and especially the truths;
They all get to you,
All at once.

You can't pick out what exactly the tipping point was
But it really doesn't matter anyways
You're falling down, down, down.
Ever deeper,
Always darker.

There goes the dam, flowing down your cheeks.

The uncontrollable shaking as you embrace yourself harder.

Toes curled, muscles clenched, jaw locked.

You won't cry, you're stronger than that
The others don't need to hear
The heart ache of sobbing,
They're already alseep

They'll just come with empty words
And unwanted touches.
The goosebumps show
as you realize you're really alone.

Deep breathes.
In.
Balled fists.
Out.
It should be over now.
In.
Why do I still feel like this?
Out.
Please, I just want out.

I hate this.

I REALLY HATE THIS!

I wanna scream.

Why am I still stuck here?

Music turned up louder.
Louder.
...
The silence is deafening.

That first choked sob breaks through
You start to choke,
coughing because you're so considerate.

Raw throat, damp face, tight muscles.

Is this really necessary?

Check the phone.
No one worth walking up.
No one wants to hear me crying.

Empty promises.

Anger surges.

What the hell,
Why not break the usual rules?

Turn of the running water.
Shoes on feet.
I'm gone.